Cooking in the West

Two years ago this month, I retired and briefly wondered whether I would be bored or not. As it turned out, I was not given the opportunity to be bored. I ended up teaching high school culinary in my time off from working at the Boutique and the ranch, and then I finished off this past year by going back to my old County Superintendent job. I have high hopes of retiring some time in the future, so at my dear friend Judy Vidack's estate sale, I bought a book that I think I had given her years back. You would have had to understand our relationship to understand why I would give her a book entitled, "The Loser's Handbook," but I think she loved it. We were friends because we both shared sarcastic thoughts that sometimes came out audibly.

So today, dreaming of retirement once again, I took out "The Loser's Handbook" and found some very thought-provoking tips for how to deal with the boredom of retirement or just life in general:

1. Check your pulse. (I actually do this often with my little Kardia mobile to make sure I am not in afib.)

2. Try to wiggle your knee caps. (This might require an Ibuprofen chaser.)

3. Try to touch your nose with your tongue.

4. Find your name in the phone book.

5. Remove a tag under penalty of law.

6. Call 911 and confess to removing a tag under penalty of law.

7. Practice crawling to the telephone in case you have to some day.

8. Listen for burglars.

9. Clean the soap dish.

10. Memorize the second stanza of the national anthem.

11. Fill your stapler if you have one. Go buy one if you don't.

12. Decide whether it is better to be or not to be.

13. Count your chickens before they hatch.

14. Arrange the items in your medicine cabinet in alphabetical order.

15. Make a list of everything remarkable you can remember about Millard Fillmore.

16. See how many times you can flush the toilet in a ten-minute period.

17. Stand on the street with binoculars and study something intently until someone notices you.

18. Walk backwards through your house.

19. Press a white mark on your stomach with your finger and then watch the color come back.

20. Tally up all the elections your vote changed.

Of course there are hundreds more tips on beating boredom, but I will likely save those until that day when I actually do retire. Here's wishing you all a healthy, happy, and prosperous New Year!

If you are hosting a New Year's Eve party or gearing up to watch the Bobcats with the National Championship in Frisco, Texas, I have some great appetizer ideas for you this week.

Chocolate Fondue

16 oz. pkg. Hershey's chocolate chips or candy bar

1/2 pt. cream

2 t. rum

1 t. vanilla

Put all ingredients in fondue pot or crockpot. Stir occasionally. When melted, turn the temperature to low. (If you are in a hurry, microwave all the ingredients until melted. Stir until smooth, and put in the fondue pot.) Dip berries, marshmallows, mandarin oranges, angelfood cake, or pretzels!

Seven Layer Mexican Dip

1 lg. can refried beans

1 tub guacamole dip

16 oz. sour cream

1 pkg. taco seasoning

1 lg. tomato, diced

4 green onions, chopped

1 can sliced black olives

1 C. grated cheddar cheese

Frost a large platter with refried beans; top with guacamole. Mix sour cream and seasoning and spread this layer on top of the other two. Sprinkle chopped onions, tomato, black olives, and cheese over all. Serve with tortilla chips.

Hot Chili Dip

1 lb. ground beef

1 lb. Velveeta, cubed

1 can diced tomatoes with green peppers

1 can green chilies

garlic, onion, and chili powders to taste

2 T. sour cream (optional)

Brown beef and drain; combine with all other ingredients in a crockpot. Cook on high at least one hour, stirring often. Great with chips or crackers. (You may substitute canned chili for the burger.)