Cooking in the West

Susan Metcalf

Columnist

I really am not a Tweeter. In fact, I did not have a Twitter account nor do I have an X account, since it has been rebranded by Elon Musk. However, I do love to write fake Tweets. In fact, with the explosion of Artificial Intelligence, it is pretty much impossible to know what is real and what is fake. We have one long month to go before the 2024 elections, and I think everyone who isn't off the grid is sick of political ads, texts, surveys, and robo calls. As of July, more than $27 million had been spent on political advertising in Montana's U.S. Senate race. Imagine what that figure will be by election day. Imagine what could be done with that money. I don't think there is a single Montanan who does not already know for whom they are going to vote. For the love of God, stop brow beating us before we rebel and write in Mickey Mouse!

The following are some Tweets that are not worthy of X, but they honor the upcoming occasion of Columbus Day properly in my satirical opinion!

Leif Erickson @VikingsRock: Who is this poser, Christopher Columbus? How could he discover America? I was here 500 years ago! #Christophercomelately

Pythagorus@AncientGreece: I didn't just come up with that Pythagorean theorem to torture high school students. I know the world is round, but it will take some show boater like that Christopher Columbus to prove it in a couple thousand years! #asquaredplusbsquaredequalscsquared

Joe Biden@MyBasement: Today we honor that guy from Columbus, Ohio . . .or no. . . somewhere in Europe. . . Christopher Columbo, yes, he was a great television detective who also discovered America. #GottaloveAricept

Donald J. Trump@RealDonaldTrump: On Columbus Day we will honor a really great man, a man for whom many statues have been recently torn down, a man who started the first social disease pandemic in the history of mankind--by accident of course. The silver lining of that pandemic was that the third quarter economy of Spain improved when there were several million fewer mouths to feed. #Covidshmovid

Alexandria Ocasio Cortez@Townidiot: Climate change started with Christopher Columbus. That's why we tore down his statues. He brought the first cows to America. They have been flatulating holes in our atmosphere ever since, and he also exacerbated the spread of lactose intolerance. #Greennewridiculousness

Bill Clinton@Faithful?: Yes, that Queen Isabella of Spain was a looker, but I did not have relations with that woman, primarily because she has been dead for five centuries. #Definitionof"is"

Kamala Harris@Radicalleft: I have not been to Europe, and up till last week I hadn't been to the southern border. I worked at McDonald's, and we were proud of our yard. Wait, what was the question? #6.5millionnewillegalvotersinfour years

Jon Tester@Famersrus: I am married to a gun toting farm wife, and I drive an old beat up truck. I have been in the Senate since 2007, but things are going to change under my leadership, cuz you just can't trust some rich military veteran out-of-stater who has donated millions to Bozeman NICU and Pediatric Care, built a Level One Trauma Center for Billings Clinic, and funded renovations on the Belgrade Library. #Poorfolksrule

Tim Sheehy@Isitbadtobesuccessful?: I have been accused of a lot of things from joking about Indians to charging for hunting like 90% of Montana landowners, but is using a Wikipedia definition truly plagiarism? It must be, because it made the news. #Termlimits

The perfect holiday should be celebrated with perfect holiday cookies such as these from my friend and former County Superintendent of Schools colleague in Musselshell County, Kathy Pfister. Thanks, Kathy! Happy Columbus Day, everyone!

Mocha Frosted Drop Cookies

1/2 C. shortening

two 1 oz, squares unsweetened chocolate

1 C. brown sugar

1 egg

1 t. vanilla

1/2 C. buttermilk

1 1/2 C. sifted flour

1/2 t. soda

1/4 t. salt

1/2 C. chopped nuts

1 C. semi sweet chocolate chips

Melt shortening and chocolate. Cool. Add sugar. Beat in egg , vanilla and milk. Add dry Ingredients. Stir in nuts and chocolate chips. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes.

Frosting

Cream:

1/4 C. butter

2 T cocoa

2 t. instant coffee

Dash of salt

Beat in:

2 1/2 C. confectioners sugar

1/2 t. vanilla

Enough milk to make spreading consistency.

Frost and let set before storing..

Grandma's Ginger Creams

2 C. molasses

1 C. brown sugar

1 1/2 C. shortening

3 Eggs

1/2 C. Water

1 T. soda

2 t. cinnamon

1 t. ginger

1/2 t. salt

6 C. flour

Cream sugar and eggs. Stir in remaining ingredients and mix well. Drop by teaspoon onto greased sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes. Cookies will be soft. Frost with a simple powdered sugar glaze. Let set fully before storing, and store between layers of waxed paper.

Basic Powdered Sugar Glaze

2 C. powdered sugar

2 T. softened butter

1 t. vanilla

3 to 4 T. Half-n-half to reach glazing consistency

Mix well and use as a glaze for Grandma's Ginger Creams