Cooking in the West

The 2024 Olympics are wrapped up, which is good, because watching them makes us normal people feel inadequate and unworthy. We like to believe we have achieved some level of greatness, and then we compare ourselves to those amazing athletes and feel substandard. I am reminded of a conversation I had back when the Olympics were in Japan. It went like this:

"What are you doing here? I thought you would be in Sochi," my friend Judy Vidack greeted me.

"Are you worried about security or did you decide not to compete this year?" asked my other friend, Marion Beley.

You see, when you live in a small town, everyone has a great memory, and they all think they are stand up comedians when it comes to never letting anyone live down embarrassing moments. Every time the Olympics have rolled around since Bret was 7, we have been reminded of our legendary "quest for gold" in 1992.

When Bret was in second grade (29 years ago), his teacher Miss Terri Turnquist (who is now Mrs. Nation) sidled up to me in the teacher's lounge. Now, first of all, lounge is a misnomer for a room containing two 8 foot tables and 11 plastic stackable chairs for which a staff of 34 vies to sit in to gulp down one last cup of coffee before the 8:15 bell rings. Nevertheless, we were both standing around the perimeter of the room as two of the 23 unsuccessful in securing a seat. She was trying to be very discrete, but as soon as she said, "Bret," all conversation ceased.

In the past, anything that began with "Bret" was usually of high interest such as the time in kindergarten when he had failed to wear the proper foundation garments under his costume for the Christmas program rehearsal. His teacher, Mrs. Julie Kinsey, has a memory like a steel trap, because for the next 30 years, she recounted the story like it happened yesterday.

Anyway. . . back to the Olympics story. . . as all eyes were turned expectantly towards us, she finished, "Told me that you and Remi tried out for the Olympics." As the howls and hoots of laughter subsided, she explained that knowing us she thought it was probably, well, um, for lack of a better word--absurd. Especially because he thought it was "probably in roping."

Suddenly one of the other teachers began laughing hysterically. Miss Judy Vidack had solved the mystery. She explained, "Oh, he must think they were in the Olympics because I said I would sponsor them in the last Winter Olympics!" She went on to explain that we had been at her house watching the pair skating in Albertville, France on television when, as totally insane people often do, we began speculating about how it was feasible that we could qualify for the Olympics in pair skating.

We had concluded that there were several reasons that we would be successful. First of all, those athletes are probably overly practiced and embarrassed to wear those skin-tight, skimpy costumes. We further speculated that perhaps, in this day and age, the women should throw the men up in the air. Miss Vidack generously offered to sponsor us if we would learn to figure skate immediately so that, wearing the skimpy sequined costumes of her choice, we would perform a routine where I would throw Remi up in a flying camel and then twirl him around by his leg with his head 1/4 inch off of the ice.

That totally ridiculous conversation must have made a lasting impression on Bret, who was too young then to realize that we were certifiably nuts, because he had stored it away in his memory to share with his second grade class a couple years later.

However, those comments of Judy and Marion got me to thinking about the possibility of being in the Olympics. However, I think we would likely have to petition to get a new event added in order for us to be able to compete at an international level.

Each night while watching the Olympics, Remi and I positively excel at sleeping through most of the events in our recliners. Since we seem to have tremendous natural talent for recliner napping, perhaps an event could be created that would showcase our talent. We could bungee strap our recliners to a toboggan, hitch the toboggan to a horse, and maybe even make it a biathlon event by adding some target shooting to increase the likelihood of exciting runaways. This event would be called cowboy recliner chariot skijoring/shooting biathlon. We could call ourselves snoozeletes, and we could wear really cool red, white, and blue sweats, bathrobes, cowboy boots, and helmets shaped like cowboy hats. I need to wrap this up now, because I have to get to my recliner and begin my training in my quest for gold!

I would like to share a couple of my favorite recipes for training for the Recliner Olympics.

Cake Mix Fruit Cobbler

1 white or yellow cake mix

1 C. Half 'n Half

1 C. sugar

4 C. fresh or frozen fruit

Mix cake mix as directed. Pour into greased 9 X 13 pan. Add fruit (apples, blueberries or other favorite berries, rhubarb, or peaches). Sprinkle 1 C. sugar over fruit. Pour one cup Half 'n Half over mixture. Add cinnamon to taste. Bake one hour at 350 degrees. Serve warm with whipped cream or ice cream.

Raspberry Cream Cheese Coffee Cake

Coffee Cake:

2 1/2 C. flour

3/4 C. sugar

3/4 C. cold butter, cubed

1/2 t. baking powder

1/2 t. baking soda

1/4 t. salt

3/4 C. sour cream

1 egg

1 t. almond extract

Filling:

8 oz. cream cheese, softened

1/4 C. sugar

1 egg

1/2 C. raspberry jam

Topping:

1/2 C. sliced almonds

Combine flour and sugar. Cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs, reserving 1 C. crumb mixture. To remaining crumb mixture, add baking powder, soda, salt, sour cream, egg, and almond extract. Blend well. Spread batter over bottom and 2 inches up the side of a greased and floured 9 inch Springform pan. Batter should be 1/4 inch thick on sides. In small bowl, beat the cream cheese, 1/4 C. sugar and egg until smooth. Pour over batter in the pan. Carefully spoon jam evenly over cheese filling. In a small bowl, combine reserved flour mixture and almonds. Sprinkle over top. Bake at 350 degrees for 55 to 60 minutes or until cream cheese filling is set and crust is a deep golden brown. Cool 15 minutes. Remove sides of pan. Serve warm or cool.