Cooking in the West

If you live along a creek, you have to co-exist with beavers, and that is not always easy. It seems that they do not share the same vision for property management as most landowners do. Living with beavers, who are remarkably persistent, focused, and motivated, is a constant struggle that is not funny, What is funny is this (allegedly) actual letter sent by the Pennsylvania DEQ to Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property and Ryan's ingenius response to the letter:

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property.: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2013. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact this office if you have any questions.

The following is Ryan's response:

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 11/17/12 has been handed to me. I am the legal landowner but not the contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of nature's building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My dam questions to you are:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers?

(2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.

My first dam concern is that the beavers are entitled to legal representation. The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names. If you want the damed stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition, please contact the beavers. If you are going to arrest them, they obviously could not respond to your dam letter, as they are unable to read English, so they will likely need to be provided with an interpreter.

In my opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green, and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.

If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (beavers) and the environment (said beavers' dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2013? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then, and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are acting in wanton disregard for the sanitary standards set by the government!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office!

Thank you,

RYAN DEVRIES and THE DAM BEAVERS

Here are some great summer recipes from from one of my favorite recipe columnist gifts, the cookbook "A Century on the Shields" produced by the Shields Valley United Methodist Church, which I acquired compliments of Suzanne Bohleen! Thanks, ladies on the Shields, where the unauthorized beavers roam freely despite the DEQ.

Suzanne Bohleen's Barbecued Tri-Tip

Marinade:

1 1/2 C. beef broth

2/3 C. lime juice

1/2 C. olive oil

1/2 C. ground cumin

3 T. colander

5 cloves garlic, minced

2 lb. beef Tri-Tip or top round cut at least 2 inches thick

Remove all fat and connective tissue from meat. Prepare marinade. Cover meat with 1 3/4 C. marinade in a glass baking dish (not metal.) Cover and refrigerate for at least 6 up to 24 hours. Remove meat from marinade and reserve marinade. Barbecue over medium heat about 35 minutes for rare or until desired doneness. Cut meat across the grain in thin slices. Marinade can be frozen and reused.

Lisa Held's Mexican Spoon Bread

1 can creamed corn

1 C. cornmeal

3/4 C. milk

1/3 C. oil

2 eggs

1 t. baking soda

1/2 t. salt

1 C. grated cheese

1 small can chopped green chilies

Mix all ingredients together. Pour into a casserole dish and bake at 375 degrees for 30 to 40 minutes.

Frances Johnson's Marinated Carrots

5 C. sliced carrots

1 med. onion sliced in rings

small green pepper in rings

1 can tomato soup

1/2 C. olive oil

1 C. sugar

3/4 C. vinegar

1 t. dry mustard

1 t. Worcestershire sauce

1 t. salt

1 t. pepper

Cook carrots. Drain and cool. Place in a container to refrigerate. Mix other ingredients and pour over vegetables. Cover, refrigerate, and marinate for at least 12 hours. Drain before serving. This will keep 2 weeks in the fridge!