Cooking in the West

In the last five months I have had three cardioversions, one angiogram, and two ablations. Those procedures have made me appreciate the technological advances in treating heart issues, and it served as a general wake-up call. It seems to be the general consensus that I need to cut back on a few of my obligations, so I am working to do that. However, ranchers and farmers either have to die or go broke to get out of the business, so retiring from ranching is not really an option for us—yet.

Still it is interesting to think about what our lives would be like without cows. As I thought about it, I came up with several life changes that would happen if we retired from cattle ranching.

First of all, we would get a lot more sleep at night. During two months of the year when we are calving, there are many long nights that are very short on sleep. Sometimes we even get to call the unlucky on-call veterinarian out of bed to keep us company and perform a C-section. Over the 42 years that we have been in the cow business, we have lost a lot of sleep worrying about everything from drought to grasshoppers to fires to floods to low calf prices to high feed costs to land payments to calf weights to just about every risk from the weather, the markets, and the cruelty of nature.

Secondly, we would have a lot more pent up anger that we would have to release. Working with cows tends to be a relatively healthy outlet for taking out frustrations. Working cows can make a preacher swear, and it definitely clears the air between a husband and wife. Because everyone in agriculture knows that things said during cattle sorting and moving are just healthy venting, most ranch couples are able to forcefully articulate all of their concerns and then forget about it--at least in a couple days. Occasionally dinner might not happen and some sorting sticks might get thrown, but at the end of the day both spouses are usually too tired to hold on to any grudges.

Thirdly, we would have to start concerning ourselves with how to spend our discretionary income. For 42 years, we have spent our rainy day funds, off farm income, inheritance, farm income, lottery winnings (I wish), and our stimulus money on cows. What could we possibly do with extra cash if we didn’t have to spend it on salt, mineral, loan payments, cake, hay, and bulls? Maybe we could buy golf clubs and learn to golf or maybe we could buy a couple old rope horses and enter some of those century team ropings where your combined ages have to add up to 100.

Fourthly, we will have to develop a new social circle. A rancher’s social circle revolves around the activities of branding, pre-conditioning, and shipping. We might still get invited to go to brandings and shippings, but if we don’t need reciprocal help it sort of takes the incentive out of accepting every invitation offered. However, since we now fit into the category of “old timers” the invitations might dwindle down until we feel utterly useless to our neighbors.

Fifthly, what will we do for adrenaline rushes? Nothing makes your heart pound quite as much as being chased over the fence by a cow in a state of bovine rage. On an ordinary day, climbing over the fence hurts every arthritic joint in our bodies, but when there is a snot blowing cow bearing down on you, you suddenly forget all about your aches and pains and miraculously scale the fence often with a little nudge from a very irritated cow. Each time the story is told, the fence gets higher, the cow weighs more, and the leap to safety becomes more legendary.

Sixthly, what could we possibly invest our money in that would be more risky and have less of a return? I am not sure there is another profession that ties up millions of dollars in assets to yield a negative net profit. The term “rich rancher” refers to the ability to recycle enough cash flow to look good enough on a balance sheet to be able to borrow enough operating money to stay in business one more year. Even in a year of record high calf prices, the expenses are up about 35 percent, so once again the books bleed red.

Seventhly, I don’t think seventhly is a word, but I can’t really think of any more good reasons to sell the cows, so I guess we will likely just keep running cows until we do go broke or die . . . whichever comes first. On a positive note, as our good friend, the late Duane Mothershead always used to say, “If ranching was easy everybody would be doing it.”

Casseroles are an old ranch wife’s best friend, because they can be tossed together fairly quickly, and then while they are baking, she can catch a little cat nap in the recliner until the oven timer signals that dinner is ready. These are a few of my favorites.

Busy Day Casserole

2 lbs. ground beef, browned

6 C. Rice Krispies cereal

medium onion, minced

2 cans chicken with rice soup

2 cans cream of mushroom soup

1 can water chestnuts, drained

1 C. sour cream

1 can whole kernel corn, drained

Mix all ingredients and place in a 9 X 13 pan. Bake at 350 degrees for one hour. Top with shredded cheese if desired.

Beefy Wild Rice Casserole

2 lbs. ground beef, browned

3 pkg. Rice-a-Roni wild rice mix

2 cans cream of mushroom soup

8 oz. sliced mushrooms or 1 can stems and pieces

16 oz. sour cream

Prepare the wild rice according to the package directions. While the rice is cooking, brown the ground beef and saute the mushrooms if you are using fresh mushrooms. When the rice is done, add ground beef, mushrooms, soup, and sour cream to the rice. Mix well, heat until bubbly, and serve immediately. (Cubed cooked chicken can be substituted for ground beef in this recipe.)

Beef and Tots Casserole

2 lbs. ground beef

1 med. onion, diced

2 cans cream of mushroom soup

2 C. frozen or canned green beans, drained

2 C. frozen or canned whole corn, drained

1 1/2 lbs. tater tots

Alpine Touch or seasoning to taste

1 C. shredded cheese

Brown beef and onion together. Season meat with Alpine Touch or salt, pepper, onion powder, and garlic powder. Mix burger with soup and vegetables in a 9 X 13 pan. Arrange Tater Tots on top and bake at 400 degrees for about an hour. Remove from the oven and top with shredded cheese. Garnish with green onions or parsley before serving if desired.