Cooking in the West

I always dread when our kids ask us to babysit the grandpets, because it is more responsibility than I want to tackle at my age. I worry that one of the pets will get injured or worse yet--die on my watch. I am much less worried about keeping the grandchildren safe than the grandpets. In fact, I remember the first time our daughter Brooke asked us to “babysit” for her when she went on a little trip. She didn’t have children yet, but she brought us her boxer and her cat for the longest four days of my life!

Boston, her boxer, was a very large very spoiled dog. He had been treated like the baby she didn’t have yet, so he believed he was a two year old full grown baby. He weighed at least 90 lbs., and he thought he was a lap dog, a very slobbery lap dog. Ave (who was Ava until we realized that Ava was a boy kitty) is her very large very spoiled cat. He also believes he is a baby, a very aloof sneaky baby.

Now, I have never trusted cats, because I believe they contemplate killing you in your sleep; so for that reason, I have never had a cat in the house. Now cat lovers, please don’t write me letters, because I didn’t say cats were bad. I just cannot bring myself to trust critters with yellow eyes!

Boston and Ave arrived with as many bags as any child would require. They contained food, snacks, toys, kitty litter, blankets, dishes, grooming supplies, and just about everything else sold at Petco. My secret plan had been to keep Boston and Ave in the tack room in the barn, but it was foiled when Brooke’s parting words were, “Promise me you’re not going to lock them in the tack room for four days.” Of course, I promised, so we were stuck together in a house that is not dog nor cat proof.

Boston never left my side. When I would sit down, he would sit on me. Sleeping with a large snoring boxer that must have the covers snuggled around him and prefers to sleep with his drooling head on your shoulder is out of the question. After two sleepless nights, I decided my husband needed some Grandpa practice, so I sent Boston out to feed and work with Remi. My reasoning was that if he spent the day outside, he might sleep well in the laundry room that night. Our border collie Mitzi resented this experiment greatly. In fact, two months later she was barely speaking to me. Aside from ripping a large gash in the thin hide of his back, he suffered no ill effects from being chased by several cows, kicked by a colt, cursed by my husband, and scorned by Mitzi. Unfortunately, sleep did not come that night either, because one can only take two hours and 37 minutes of whining, scratching, and barking emanating from the laundry room before one allows the boxer back under the covers.

Ave stayed in the house. In fact, Ave would not go outside at all. By the way, putting the litter box outside to entice the cat to venture outside is not an effective animal training technique. It just causes the animal trainer genius to drive to town for more paper towels and Pine Sol. Ave resented his new surroundings greatly, which he expressed by using all of our furniture for a scratching post, staging a hunger strike, and defoliating my shamrock, which is the only plant I have ever been able to keep alive for more than two weeks. I would have put him in the tack room except for the fact that I feared for our tack and everything else in the barn.

The only good part about spending four days in grandpet hell was that I figured if Ave tried to kill me in my sleep, Boston might feel enough loyalty towards his “grandmother” to awaken and perhaps save me. I am pretty sure Brooke had serious doubts after that experience that we would ever be suitable grandparents, because we pretty much failed the grandpet test!

With the Super Bowl looming up, I have a few super snack recipes to share with you this week in preparation for the game on February 11 in Las Vegas.

Tortilla Chip Dip

two 15 oz. cans of black beans, drained

1 can Green Giant white shoe-peg corn

2 large tomatoes, diced

1 purple onion

1 C. chopped cilantro

1 to 2 avocados, diced

juice from two fresh limes

3 T. Olive Oil

2 T. Red Wine vinegar

salt and pepper

Mix well. This goes great with tortilla chips but also as a salsa topping on fish, chicken breasts, etc.

Microwave Caramel Corn

1 C. brown sugar

1/2 C. butter or margarine

1/4 C. white corn syrup

1/2 t. salt

1/2 t. soda

3 or 4 qts. popped corn

peanuts optional

Mix first 4 ingredients and bring to a boil for two minutes. Add soda and stir. Pour this mixture over popped corn, which is in a large paper bag. Shake the bag. Microwave for one minute. Repeat this for a total of three times. Add nuts if desired. Spread out on a cookie sheet to cool without clumping.

Hot Artichoke Dip

2 cans artichokes, drained and chopped

1 C. mayonnaise

1 C. Parmesan cheese

Drain and chop artichokes. Add mayonnaise and cheese. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes until bubbly. (Another variation of this dip can be made using 12 oz. softened cream cheese and 1/4 C. softened butter instead of mayonnaise.) To make Spinach Artichoke Dip, mix in one well drained can of spinach or several ounces of fresh spinach that has been wilted by stirring it in a saucepan for a couple minutes with a bit of olive oil.