Cooking in the West

The last of the Christmas cookies have been eaten, and I find myself thankful that it is coverall season, which is also bulky sweater season. If you cannot follow this line of reasoning, then you aren’t one of those people who gains weight every winter!

The best part about winter clothes is that they hide weight--at least psychologically. Coveralls are lifesavers. Everybody looks 20 pounds heavier in them, so no one has to feel self-conscious wearing them. You can wear sweat pants in them and be really comfortable. Then the day of reckoning comes. The robins come, officially announcing spring, and you find that you have to lie down to get your jeans zipped.

Several years ago, I received one of those human hot walkers for Christmas. I am sure you cannot guess what tactful person I am chained (otherwise referred to as loved, honored, and cherished) to till death do us part gave it to me! It provides a zero impact aerobic workout--especially when used as a giant clothes rack. Every once in awhile, following a brisk sit, I will take it for a spin, because it cost one whole cull cow. I am trying to sell it now, but strangely, there does not seem to be much of a market for gently used exercise equipment even if it doubles as a clothes rack.

Since it appears that I won’t be cashing in on my Nordic Trac, I have come up with another entrepreneurial idea. (“Entrepreneur” is defined as a crazy ranch woman who constantly thinks of money-making schemes to diversify the ranch income that involve sleepless nights, grueling work, and investment capital--all on the part of the entrepreneur’s relatives and close friends.) My idea is. . . designer coveralls for all seasons!

Our motto won’t be something meaningless like Nike’s “Just Do It!” It will be, “Why fight the battle of the bulge when you can disguise it?” Our refers to the people who sew in my family and circle of friends. I never mastered sewing--only seam ripping, but I have a lot of knowledge of fashion design. You see, forty-two years ago, I graduated from Montana State University with a minor in Home Economics Education. The people in my immediate family insist that endorsement must have been a clerical error when I do something like burn the garlic bread.

Nevertheless, I did take Home Economics 226: Fashion Design where I learned the principles of design from Dr. IForgothername. (Give me a break--it has been forty-two years!) Dr. IForgothername said repeatedly, “Nature clothed the elephant in gray,” so we will need a lot of lightweight gray fabric.

I remember many other design principles that my mentor, Dr. IForgothername, insisted upon. We will incorporate all of these into our coverall line. They are V-necklines, high waistlines, princess seams, no rear pockets, vertical stripes, narrow non-contrasting belts, 3/4 length sleeves, shoulder pads (they WILL come back after my line debuts), and monochromatic dark and/or gray fabrics without texture.

We will also offer a full line of accessories like summer-weight barn coats, spike-heeld irrigating boots, and ultra heavy duty Spandex foundation garments. On the label, we’ll explain how to launder the coveralls so they don’t shrink, and we will print the following tips: #1. Try to stand sideways to everyone. #2. Always try to be seen with someone larger than yourself.

I sure hope these coveralls sell, because I am running out of room on my unsold exercise equipment to hang all of them!

This week I have some easy recipes for beating the winter doldrums that will help you fill out your coveralls!

Frito Chili Casserole

1 pkg. Frito corn chips

2 cans chili beans

1 lb. hamburger

grated cheese

Fry hamburger with onions and season. In a casserole dish, layer half of Fritos, beef, beans, and cheese. Repeat with other half. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

Orange Jell-o Cake

1 pkg. yellow cake mix

3 oz. pkg. orange Jell-o mix, dry

4 eggs

3/4 C. oil

3/4 C. water

Mix all together and bake in a 9 X 13 pan at 350 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes. Prick holes in hot cake and pour orange glaze on top. (To make the glaze, use 3 C. powdered sugar combined with enough orange juice to make a pourable glaze.)

Lemon Cookies

1 pkg. lemon cake mix

2 C. Cool Whip

1 egg

Mix all ingredients together and roll into 1 inch balls. Dip in powdered sugar. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.

Watergate Salad

1 large Cool Whip

1 med. can crushed pineapple, drained

1 pkg. INSTANT pistachio pudding

1 1/2 C. miniature marshmallows

Stir together, adding pudding mix last. Refrigerate to set before serving.

Cranberry Jell-o Salad

1 can whole cranberry sauce

1 can crushed pineapple

large pkg. raspberry Jell-o

chopped nuts

Dissolve Jell-o in 1 C. boiling water. Add remaining ingredients (pineapple juice and all). Stir well and refrigerate until firm.