Cooking in the West

Parent teacher conferences are traditionally held after the first quarter of school ends, and I have to say they are one thing I didn’t really miss about teaching. Now, having returned to the classroom after 16 years off from parent teacher conferences, I find myself facing upcoming conferences with some trepidation. The parents of the good kids always show up, but the parents that you would really like to meet to give you insight into the reason their children are the way they are coincidentally don’t show up. My hat goes off to all of the teachers out there conferencing with parents, and I pray for guidance as I talk to parents about their most prized possession--their children.

Parents might find it difficult to decode tactful teacher talk, but as an old teacher, I can offer some assistance decoding traditional conference phrases. “Your child is very social” can be translated as your kid never shuts up--he’s like the Energizer bunny on speed. “Your child needs to improve his/her time on task” really means that your kid will not get to work, takes frequent self-guided in house field trips to the restroom, and digs in his backpack like a badger to avoid getting to work. He distracts everyone in a three room radius, and I am seriously considering referring him to the health nurse about that frequent urination problem.

Decoding teacher talk is also important when reading correspondence from school. Patty Bell, one of my former rural school teachers when I was the County Superintendent of Schools, gave me an article by Melissa Balmain entitled “Permission Slip (of the Tongue) for the Class Trip.” The information in parentheses indicates how to read between the lines of teacher correspondence.

Dear Parent/Guardian:

Mrs. Kenney’s class trip to the fire station is (why Miss Kenney is dreading) Tuesday morning. The children will walk there (and/or hop, skip, and lie on the sidewalk sobbing that it wasn’t Sienna’s turn to be the door holder). If you’d like to chaperone (for the love of God) please tell Mrs. Kenney.

At the fire station, Captain Joe (or whoever draws the short straw) will teach the class fire safety basics. (Prepare to hear your child bellow, “Stop, drop, and roll” 36 times a day as well as wake you regularly at 2 a.m. convinced he/she smells smoke.) The captain will hand out posters, pamphlets, and coloring books (that, ironically, will make your home even more flammable).

After punch and candy provided (with remarkably poor timing) by the station, the children will get to aim a running fire hose (usually at Miss Kenney), and meet the firehouse dog (and pull his tail). Then Mrs. Kenney will take (two extra-strength Excedrin and a Prozac) a group picture. Along with the permission form below, please send $2.00 to cover the cost of post-field trip refreshments (for Mrs. Kenney who will be doing Jell-O shots the moment school lets out).

Sincerely,

Mrs. Patty (rhymes with batty) Kenney

I have recipes for traditional fall treats this week that worked well with my culinary students this week. The microwave makes these much easier than using a stove top and a candy thermometer.

Gourmet Caramel Apples:

1 lbs. brown sugar

1 C. butter at room temperature

14 oz. can sweetened condensed milk

1/3 C. light corn syrup

1/3 C. maple syrup

1 1/2 t. vanilla

1/2 t. kosher salt

12 craft sticks

12 medium Granny Smith apples

apple toppings of your choice (chopped nuts, sprinkles, mini M and M’s, mini chips, butterscotch bits, etc.)

First you must boil water and dunk the apples in the very hot water for about 10 seconds. Dry completely with a paper towel to get the wax off the apples so the caramel does not slide off. Push craft sticks into the apples and place on parchment paper.

Melt butter in a large microwave safe bowl. Add the rest of the caramel ingredients except the vanilla and mix well. Microwave for two minutes. Stir. Microwave for 2 minutes. Stir. Microwave for 2 minutes. Stir. Add vanilla, which will make the mixture bubble up, so be careful! Allow the caramel to cool a few minutes before dipping the apples. Decorate the apples with chopped nuts, sprinkles, candies, or even drizzled melted chocolate.

Marshmallow Popcorn Balls:

1/2 C. butter

5.5 C. mini marshmallows

1/2 t. vanilla

5.5 C. popped popcorn

sprinkles, Reese’s pieces, gumdrops, candies, M and M’s, melted chocolate for drizzling

Melt butter in a saucepan and stir in mini marshmallows until melted. Add in vanilla. Allow to cool a couple minutes before pouring over popcorn. Make sure you have removed the old maids from the popped corn. If you pour the hot mixture on too quickly, the popcorn will shrink and toughen. Pour the marshmallow mixture over the popcorn. Grease your hands with butter or vegetable oil and loosely shape the popcorn into six balls. Do not press them together too hard. As they cool, you can gently shape them into more round shapes. Before they cool, add whatever you wish to decorate them with such as candies or sprinkles and perhaps drizzle melted chocolate or colored bark over them. Allow them to cool before eating. Wrap them in cellophane and tie ribbons around them for a festive look or gift giving.

Microwave Caramel Corn:

1 C. brown sugar

1 stick butter

1/4 C. Karo white syrup

1/2 t. soda

3 quarts popped popcorn

Boil sugar, butter, and syrup for two minutes. Add 1/2 t. soda. Pour mixture over 3 quarts of popped corn in a large brown grocery bag. Shake vigorously. Microwave on high for one minute. Shake again. Repeat this microwaving and shaking two more times. Pour into a bowl. Separate the clusters, and serve immediately! Add peanuts if desired.