Cooking in the West

In these times of crazy inflation, everyone is looking to save a few bucks or find more efficient ways to do things. I love household hints, so I have compiled a few that tickled my funny bone even if they are not legitimate. (Disclaimer: Do not actually try these household hints at home—yours or anyone else’s!)

1. When you receive your bill at a restaurant table, fill in the blank for tip with the negative of the amount of the bill and put $0.00 on the total line. (Bonus tip: Do not plan to eat at this restaurant again.)

2. If you are choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

3. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop them.

4. A simple remedy for high blood pressure is to cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes. This reduces the pressure on your veins, but you might want to invest in a small egg timer to insure that you don’t allow yourself to bleed out.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you are suffering from a bad cough, take a double dose of over the counter laxatives. You will be too afraid to cough!

7. If a problem cannot be fixed with a hammer, it falls into the category of an electrical problem.

8. The only two tools you need to fix anything are duct tape and WD-40. If it doesn’t move and should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use duct tape!

9. Do your own home and auto repairs. Just watch a few YouTube videos and dive in. You don’t need a professional with years of experience. What could possibly go wrong?

10. If you should ever find that you have drunk too much to drive home, walk to the nearest pizza place, use your cell phone to request a pizza delivery to your address, and then when the pizza is done, hitch a ride with the delivery driver to your home.

11. Remember the first name in luggage that is both matching and economical is Hefty.

12. Instead of going to the bother of cleaning your house, go to the Dollar Store and purchase a bunch of Get Well cards. Scatter them all over your house, so visitors will deduce you have obviously been too ill to clean the house.

13. Be very outspoken on social media about every political issue and be sure to talk politics during Thanksgiving dinner, as this will likely cut your Christmas gift giving list in half. If this doesn’t work, tell everyone you are going away for Christmas and want to exchange gifts when you get back. Lay low and buy gifts during the after Christmas discount sales to save lots of cash.

14. If your clothes are wrinkly and dirty, donate them to the local Goodwill. In a couple days, you can go down and buy them back cleaned and pressed.

15. To avoid cleaning paint brushes indefinitely, wrap them in plastic and throw them in the freezer.

16. Visit family and friends at meal time, and be sure to compliment the smell of dinner AND emphasize how hungry you are AND apologize for showing up during dinner. This will usually translate into an impromptu invitation or a very awkward silence.

If the sun comes out and it warms up, the grass and the rhubarb are going to pop up. I am ready with my favorite rhubarb recipes. Thanks to my featured cooks, Karen Schmierer of Savage, Montana, and Sandy Smith of Big Timber, Montana, for sharing these recipes long ago!

Karen’s Rhubarb Cream Cake:

1 box yellow or white cake mix

3 C. rhubarb

1 C. sugar

1 pint whipping cream

Mix cake according to directions. Put in a 9x13 cake pan. Cut rhubarb into small pieces. Spread over cake mix. Sprinkle sugar over rhubarb and then pour the whipping cream over sugar. Do not mix or stir! Bake for 45 to 60 minutes at 350 degrees until light brown and cracks form on the top. (Cake rises to top and a custard forms at the bottom). This freezes well.

Sandy’s Rhubarb Upside Down Cake:

3 1/2 C. chopped rhubarb

1/2 C. sugar

3 oz. pkg. strawberry Jell-o

3 C. miniature marshmallows

1 pkg. white or yellow cake mix

Lightly grease a 9 X 13 pan (glass works best because of the acid in the rhubarb). Spread rhubarb evenly in the bottom of the pan. Mix the Jell-o and sugar and sprinkle over the rhubarb. Spread marshmallows over top. Mix the cake mix according to the package directions and pour over the marshmallow layer. Bake according to the cake mix directions. (This cake is even better served warm with ice cream or whipped cream!)

Rhubarb Cream Pie:

2 full C. rhubarb

I 1/4 C. sugar

2 T. flour

3 T. cream

3 egg yolks, beaten

Cook in a double boiler until thickened. Pour in a baked pie shell. Cover with meringue using the 3 egg whites. Bake at 350 degrees for 12-15 minutes.