Cooking in the West

I grew up in the Sun River Canyon northwest of Great Falls and thus Malmstrom Air Force Base. All the years I was growing up, a nuclear war with Russia was an ever-present threat. Our friends, the Mergenthals, who lived right by Gibson Dam had a warehouse full of dry food provided by the USDA in the event of a nuclear war. The Glory Hole (dam overflow) was a bomb shelter. I grew up thinking that some day there might be an alarm that sent us into the Glory Hole of Gibson Dam with all that food in the warehouse to keep us alive until we would emerge into a scorched earth. Fortunately, the Cold War never materialized into nuclear devastation.

Now, 50 years later, it seems that we are under another type of invasion threat--this time from Communist China. As I marvel at how badly this spy balloon debacle was handled, I can only speculate on the conversations among our present administrative officials. I surmise it might have gone something like this. . . .

Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin: (Early morning hours of January 28) Hey, Joe! Wake up! There’s a Chinese balloon in our airspace.

President Joe Biden: Oh how nice! Is it left over from a Chinese New Year celebration?

Austin: No, it is as big as three Greyhound buses and full of high tech spy stuff.

President Biden: Oh, that’s not good. Or is it?

Austin: Well, no. I think you better tell Blinken to cancel his trip to China.

President Biden: Blinken who?

Austin: Your Secretary of State, Anthony Blinken,

President Biden: Oh yes, I have his name written in my notes somewhere. Say, you don’t suppose this has anything to do with Hunter and his China deals do you?

Austin: Well, the Chinese are claiming it is a civilian weather balloon.

President Biden: Oh yes, let’s go with that. The Chinese were so truthful about the origin of the Coronavirus so I am sure they wouldn’t fib about a balloon. Right?

Austin: Well, this balloon has been spotted by civilians, so it is going to be hard to cover up. It seems to be maneuverable and flying over strategic defense sites in Montana right now.

President Biden: Montana--oh yes, I went there once to Yellowstone.

Austin: Do you mean the park or the fictitious ranch where they brand the hired hands?

President Biden: The park. Although I would like to meet Beth Dutton. Don’t tell Jill, ok? Now what were we talking about?

Austin: The Chinese spy balloon. What shall we do about it?

President Biden: Let’s dial up Kamala and get her input. She has done such a great job of securing the Mexican border, I think I will just turn this situation over to her.

Austin: Don’t you think we should shoot it down before it gathers more information?

President Biden: I just don’t know. Maybe we can just ban balloons and that will solve the problem?

Austin: We have banned surveillance devices in our air space already, Sir.

President Biden: Oh.Okl, let’s blame it on President Trump. Call up MSNBC and have them figure out a way to spin this so it makes Donald Trump look bad for not setting limits on the carbon footprint of spy balloons?

Austin: We are going to have to make a statement to the press soon. I just don’t know if Americans are going to tolerate our administration allowing a spy balloon to collect data about our strategic military defense systems for eight days before we shoot it down?

President Biden: Well after we shoot it down. . .maybe Karine Jean-Pierre can just explain to Peter Doocy in her most convincing voice that the 8 days of spy surveillance are over, and we are going to send a strongly worded email to Xi Jinping, and this whole thing will just blow over.

Austin: Alrighty then. . . problem solved! You are so punny, Sir!

President Biden: I am? Oh yes, I AM!

My featured cook this week is one of my favorite cooks to follow on Facebook. Kathy Norskog of Big Timber, Montana is always cooking up something amazing, so I am happy to share three of her favorites this week.

Kathy’s Peasant Bread:

4 C. flour

1 t. salt

Mix well and add:

2 C. warm water

2 t. sugar

2 t. Quick Rise yeast

Hand mix. Dough will be sticky. Pour into a well oiled bowl and let rise one hour! Bake at 475 degrees for 15 minutes or 375 degrees for 20 minutes! Kathy prefers to cook her bread on a stone instead of in an oven proof bowl, because it seems to stick in the bowl.

Mom’s (Elaine Webber’s) Spanish Rolls:

Combine in large bowl:

1 lb. sharp Cheddar cheese, shredded

1 can chopped black olives

Garlic salt to taste

1 bunch green onions, chopped

4 oz. can Ortega peppers, chopped finely

8 oz. can tomato sauce

Brown and add to mixture:

1.5 lbs. ground beef in 3 T. oil

Season with salt to taste.

Mix well and stuff filling into 24 hard rolls. Wrap in foil and put in a covered roaster to bake at 250 degrees for at least one hour. before serving.

Three Ingredient Cowboy Beans:

3 C. dried pinto beans

1 can Rotel tomatoes with green chilies

Beef roast

Place beans in crockpot. Top with Rotel tomatoes and any cut of beef roast. Add moisture half way up the beef and cook all day in crockpot until tender. To serve, chunk up the beef and serve with corn bread.