Cooking in the West

Every year right before Thanksgiving back when I was teaching English, I would ask all of my junior high students to write poems entitled, "I Am Thankful For..."

I always modeled a few lines of an example poem for them, so with a very straight face I would write, "My two delightful children, Bret and Brooke." This line was easier to write without smirking if neither of them had been in the sheriff's report or the principal's office in the past week.

Recently I was moaning about my failures as a parent/grandparent to my sister Jane, who had brains enough to have only had one child. (Although like us, she and her husband have never been able to resist taking in a few extras.) She reminded me of the real story of Adam and Eve to cheer me up.

After God created Adam and Eve, he told Adam not to eat the forbidden fruit. Adam replied, "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve, we have forbidden fruit!" Again, God repeated that they were not to eat the forbidden fruit, so Adam asked, "Why?"

God replied, "Because I am your father, and I said so!" He was thinking to himself that he should have left well enough alone after he created the primates. Of course, we all know what happened next. God looked down, and Adam and Eve were both having apple snacks. God bellowed, "Why did you eat the apples after I told you not to?"

"Eve started it!" Adam whined.

"Did not!" wailed Eve.

"Did too!" retorted Adam.

God had finally had enough of their bickering, so he told them they would be severely punished. Not only was he going to do that whole tough love thing and throw them out of the Garden of Eden, but worse than that... they were to have children of their own!

Now, thousands of years later, we are still paying for the disobedience of Adam and Eve! I have known the temptation story all my life, so why didn't I realize before we planned to have children that if God had problems with his kids, it was not going to be a piece of cake raising our own? In fact, in addition to trying to raise my own kids and a couple extras, I decided to choose a career where I would spend 36,000 hours teaching 1,250 students in my 25-year tenure.

Just thinking about all those kids gave me a huge headache, so I got out my gallon-size bottle of Ibuprofen, and there on the label was the solution to my problem: "Keep away from children." That is easier said than done! We tried child-proofing our home long ago, but they still found a way in.

I know what goes around comes around, though! My kids are always telling me to be nice to them, because they will choose my nursing home. I tell them that I will get the last laugh. First of all, I plan to seek my revenge by spoiling my grandchildren terribly. Every time I take care of them, I will load them up with candy and Mountain Dew before sending them home.

Also, a condition of my will shall be that I cannot be put in a nursing home. I will have to live with each child for 6 months of the year until my death, or they will not receive any inheritance. I plan to whoop it up every night down at the Senior Center, come home after my curfew, slam all the doors in the house, jump (or at least bounce) on the couch, turn oldies music up until the walls vibrate, knock a few holes in the wall with my walker, break out a couple windows, invite old smelly friends over all the time, leave my dishes in the living room, throw my wet towels on the floor in the bathroom, and generally revert back to their teen years. Yes, I am very thankful I had those 2 delightful children, so that in my golden years, I will have something to look forward to!

Have a joyous Thanksgiving,and do take the time to count all your blessings--even if they give you gray hair! The Velveeta Fudge Recipe was requested by Melvin and Martha Hudson of Snohomish, Washington. Thanks to my mother-in-law, Carol Metcalf, for the other two recipes and for making my Thanksgiving easy by cooking every year and telling me when I ask what I can bring to just bring my kids and grandkids. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

Velveeta Fudge:

12 oz. Velveeta

1 C. butter

6 squares unsweetened baking chocolate

2 T. light corn syrup

8 C. powdered sugar

1-1/2 C. chopped nuts (optional)

1 t. vanilla

Heat Velveeta, butter, chocolate, and corn syrup in the microwave. Microwave on high for about 2 minutes, stirring twice until melted and well blended. Add chocolate mixture in batches to sugar in a large bowl, beating with an electric mixer after each addition. Stir in nuts and vanilla. Pour into a greased 9x13" pan. Smooth and refrigerate until firm. Cut into squares.

Carol Metcalf's Simple Pie Crust:

1 1/2 C. flour

1/2 C. vegetable oil

1/2 t. salt

Mix and pat into a pie plate. Bake for 25 minutes at 350 degrees. Fill with fruit and filling (See below!)

Carol's Fruit Pie (Peach or Strawberry or Raspberry):

1 C. sugar

3 T. plus 2 t. cornstarch

1 1/2 C. water

3 to 4 T. Jell-o (peach or strawberry or raspberry to match the fresh fruit you are using)

Mix the sugar and cornstarch well. Whisk in the water. Cook over medium heat until thick. Cool. Slice a pie pan 3/4 full of either strawberries, raspberries, or peaches into a cooled crust (recipe above). Pour cooled gelatin mixture over fruit. Chill. Serve with real whipped cream on top!