Cooking in the West

Since early season rifle has been going on for several weeks, there are some hard working mule packers pounding down the trail every day packing duffel, trophy horns, dead elk and deer, and most importantly food for hunters and hay for livestock. It might seem like a romantic occupation, but really it is pure hard heavy work that means long hours in the saddle and thus a lot of time to contemplate. My friend, Jerry Yoder, was the packer for most of the back country hunts and trips I cooked on for the K Lazy 3. He spent a lot of time in the saddle, so he had a lot of time to think, and sometimes I would get to hear about his thoughts when he got into camp. This "think" of Jerry's was emailed to me rather than shared in camp, so I am running it as it was emailed in response to my plea for him to write up one of his "thinks" for a guest column.

Susan,

I was wondering if you remember the conversation we had about starting a packing school. As I remember, you said Bret would be interested in attending a class fer a few days to "brush some of the cobwebs" outta his "packin memory".

Although such sessions held in mid-winter would probably help chase away the doldrums, a moment of inspiration as I was bouncing down the trail brought the realization of a much better idea.. The two things that inspired me were a pain in the neck (literally!) and an article in a metal fabrication magazine I read a few weeks before.

Humans have been packing animals fer a few thousand years or so. Evidently there have been few technological advancements over the course of history. One of the more recent ones would be the invention of the decker style saddle. Who developed it depends upon who you ask, but apparently they were first used about 100 years before Al Gore invented the internet.

I am pleased to unveil the "device" that will introduce packing to 21st century technology, and allow anyone, however inexperienced they may be, to pack like a pro. "Yoder's Augmented Reality Packin' System" is what i call it. I thought about hiring a crackerjack team of marketers to name it, but I was afraid they'd want me to change my name to something cooler like "Smoot" or "Rooney." Or mebbe they'd call it some ill advised name like "iPack". But I digress...

Allow me to tell you about this fantastic system. A pair of glasses. Think Google glasses--only much more sophisticated. Can't remember how to tie a basket hitch? Decker diamond? Alpine butterfly? No problem! The augmented reality (AR) software animates each knot step by step and projects it to the inside surface of the glasses as you tie the knot. Shucks, it basically ties the knot for you!

So, you've never packed before? We got that covered too. The voice recognition software shows you just what to do. Its name is Penelope. For example, if you need to manty a bale of hay, just say "Penelope, how do I manty a bale of hay?" She'll show you where to place the bale on the manty, how to fold up the corners, and how to tie it all up properly with a manty rope. Or say "Penelope, how do I pack eggs?" and she'll show ya where in the load to put them. Just in case you are a little intimidated by such advanced tech, her voice will be the same whiny woman's voice you already have on all your other electronics. That'll help settle ya down an make ya feel warm and fuzzy.

Of course, she'll show you how to adjust the britchin, breast collar, etc to keep from galling up the mule, and how to tie the load on properly. Each saddle will have "Lev-o-matic" sensors that warn you when the saddle is shifting to the side because of a load not balanced properly.

For those wanting to advance their skills a little farther ( more than 1 or 2 pack animals) I recommend purchasing the "mule psychology module." Tell Penelope each mule's name. Then select his/her behavioral characteristics from a checklist, and she will tell you in what order you should string them up for optimal behavior. If perchance the mules you selected to use for the day won't work well together, she will suggest taking fewer mules and tell you which ones to turn back in the corral. If you have other mules available in the corral, she can suggest which ones you should use for the day instead of the ones you just turned back in.

For the ultimate in packin', there is one more upgrade... The drone! I call her Alice. The video feed from Alice's camera displays directly onto your AR glasses, allowing you to observe your string without turning your head to look back. No more neck pain! Perfect for those times when you couldn't normally even see the last few mules, like when you've got 12 or more mules and you're in dog hair pine on a windin' trail. You don't even need to fly Alice! Here's how it works. Penelope, the "Lev-o-matic" saddles, and Alice all integrate seamlessly. Penelope knows the order of the mules, and each mule's saddle sends a distinct signal, which Alice receives, thereby knowing where she should fly. Let's say you have eight mules in your string and Penelope had you string them up in this order: 1. Frosty 2.Fireball 3. Echo 4. Jed 5. Elmer 6. Penny 7. Murphy 8. Betty. Alice's home position is above your first mule (Frosty). Normally, her cameras allow a good view of the whole string from there, but what if your view of Betty is obstructed by trees? Say, "Alice, show me Betty" and she flies back to Betty's position. A collision avoidance system keeps her from crashing into trees and such along the way. Let's say Betty's load is riding fine, but she's walking on the side of the trail eating grass. The built in microphone on your AR glasses and the speaker on Alice allow you to holler at Betty without raising your voice!

I'm sure after readin' this you will agree with me that "Yoder's AR Packin' System" simply makes packin' schools obsolete, as well as making packin' less of a pain in the neck. Jerry

P.S. If there ain't enough words in this letter to fill your column, just do like the politicians do. Add big words so you can take a long time to say nothing. (Sent from an ever changing, undisclosed location by my non-smart phone... no wait, my laptop!)

Jerry did not send any recipes, and I don't think he has perfected the Yoder's AR Packin' System yet, but it sure seems like a good idea to me! How about some of my favorite fall recipes this week?

Magic Pumpkin Spice Cake:

For the cake:

1 yellow cake mix

3 eggs

1 C. milk

1/2 C. vegetable oil

For the pumpkin pie:

15-ounce can of pumpkin

1/2 C. evaporated milk

1/2 C. heavy cream

3 eggs

1 C. brown sugar

For the frosting:

1 pkg. instant vanilla pudding mix

1 t. pumpkin pie spice

1 C. cold milk

3 C. imitation whipped topping

Mix the cake mix, eggs, milk, and oil together. Pour into a greased 9 X 13 pan. Whisk the pumpkin pie ingredients together and carefully pour over the cake batter trying not to let them mix. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes to one hour or when a toothpick tests clean. The cake magically comes to the top in this baking process. Cool the cake completely. Mix the pudding, spices, and cold milk together. Fold in the whipped topping. Frost the cooled cake. You may wish to garnish with sprinkles of cinnamon or nutmeg before serving.

Pumpkin Spice French Toast Casserole:

8 large eggs

2 C. whole milk

2 C. heavy whipping cream

1 can (15 oz) solid-pack pumpkin

1-1/2 C. sugar

2 t. vanilla

1-1/2 t. ground cinnamon

1/2 t. salt

1/2 t. ground ginger

1/4 t. ground nutmeg

14 cups cubed bread

1/2 C. raisins

Confectioners' sugar and maple syrup

Prepare the night before by mixing the first 10 ingredients well. Fold in bread and raisins. Place in greased 9 X 13 pan, cover, and refrigerate overnight. The next morning, remove from the refrigerator and let sit while oven preheats to 350 degrees. Bake 65 to 75 minutes. Dust with confectioners' sugar and serve with maple syrup.