Cooking in the West

This is the time of year when cattle producers are busy marketing their cattle. Although technology has opened up many more options for marketing cattle such as internet live auctions, internet static auctions, drone film, etc., it is kind of tragic that the days of showing the cattle buyer around the ranch are pretty much bygone. I wrote this poem years back when the day the buyer came to see the calves was a big event on the ranch, but it was inspired by Roundup, Montana veterinarian, Dr. Loren Appell who always prescribed wit and wisdom along with veterinary medicine!

Cattle Buyer Blues

—by Susan Metcalf

Some folks sell at auction for true price discovery,

Some sell their calves on video and pray by their t.v.

Still others want to strike a deal face to face,

So they bring a cattle buyer out to the place.

The buyer wants to see the pasture, the cows, yearlings, and the bulls.

He spares the compliments, so you feel you are raising a bunch of culls.

If you have red calves, "they" prefer hides of black.

He will buy the top half, if you'll hold the others back.

They don't want horns or injection sight blemishes,

They don't want certain breeds on the premises.

They want them cut with a knife not banded,

And they want them nicely, neatly rib branded.

You can try plying him with Jack Daniels or maybe Cutty Sark.

You can try charming him from sunup until way after dark.

You can barbecue him a chunk of homegrown beef steak,

Or bribe him with Grandma's Double Chocolate Cake.

But these efforts will probably be a waste,

For he is a man of calculation, not of taste.

He checks the market hourly on his laptop.

He knows exactly where negotiations stop.

He claims to know the future and just how to hedge.

He'll bargain on your cattle 'cuz he likes living on the edge.

He is licensed and bonded and probably ordained.

He delights in knowing he is quite often profaned.

So goes the story of the rancher who met St. Peter at the gate.

To be a herdsman in heaven was to be rancher Joe's eternal fate.

So cultivating the best genetics and belly deep grass,

Joe's herd grew to be quite spectacular, but alas. . .

When St. Peter came to check, he found poor Joe distraught.

Joe had been searching through all of heaven for naught.

Not ONE SINGLE cattle buyer could he find, for they were all in..well..

I know this story is quite true, 'cuz it was told to me by Doc Appell!

Whether you are looking to impress a cattle buyer or just your family, here are some favorites for special meals. Thanks, Melanie Roe and Jill Stenberg of Big Timber, Montana and Carolyn O'Hara of Fort Benton, Montana!

Jill Stenberg's Cattle Buyer Corn:

2 T. butter

2 T. chopped onion

2 T. flour

1/2 t. salt

1 C. sour cream

1 1/2 lbs. corn

2 T. finely chopped celery

6 slices crisp bacon, crumbled

1 T. parsley

Melt butter, stir in onion, and saute until trasnparent. Blend in flour and salt. Stir in sour cream until smooth. Add corn and celery, heating thoroughly. Stir in half the bacon and put in a 2 quart casserole dish. Top with remaining bacon and parsley. Bake at 350 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes.

Melanie Roe's Party Potatoes:

16 oz. Velveeta cheese, cubed

2 C. mayonnaise

2 lb. frozen hash browns, thawed

1 med. onion, finely chopped

1/2 C. Corn Flakes, crushed

4 oz. crisp bacon, crumbled

Melt cheese and combine with mayonnaise, onion, crumbled bacon, and potatoes in large bowl. ix well. Spoon into a 9 X 13 baking dish. Mix Corn Flakes with 1/8 C. melted butter and sprinkle on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes to 1 hour.

O'Hara Ranch Prime Rib:

8 lb. prime rib roast

Salt, pepper, seasonings of choice

Bring roast to room temperature outside of the refrigerator. Season to taste. Place in a shallow pan and roast at 375 degrees for one hour. Turn the oven off, but do not open the door. Let stand in the oven at least 2 hours. Before serving, turn the oven back on to 375 degrees for 35 minutes for rare, 45 minutes for medium, and 55 minutes for well done. Check meat with a meat thermometer to insure that it has reached the proper internal temperature before serving.