Cooking in the West

For many years, my husband has been saying that he was not going to own a cow when he was 65 years old. His sixty-fifth birthday is looming up, and yet I have heard nothing about dispersing our cow herd. Of course, there are a couple auctions this week, but I don't think we could get them in and get trucks lined up that quickly, so I guess we are going to remain in the cow business after all.

Still it is interesting to think about what our lives would be like without cows. As I thought about it, I came up with several life changes that would happen if we retired from cattle ranching.

First of all, we would get a lot more sleep at night. During two months of the year when we are calving, there are many long nights that are very short on sleep. Sometimes we even get to call the unlucky on-call veterinarian out of bed to keep us company and perform a C-section. Over the 40 years that we have been in the cow business, we have lost a lot of sleep worrying about everything from drought to grasshoppers to fires to floods to low calf prices to high feed costs to land payments to calf weights to just about every risk from the weather, the markets, and the cruelty of nature.

Secondly, we would have a lot more pent up anger that we would have to release. Working with cows tends to be a relatively healthy outlet for taking out frustrations. Working cows can make a preacher swear, and it definitely clears the air between a husband and wife. Because everyone in agriculture knows that things said during cattle sorting and moving are just healthy venting, most ranch couples are able to forcefully articulate all of their concerns and then forget about it--at least in a couple days. Occasionally dinner might not happen and some sorting sticks might get thrown, but at the end of the day both spouses are usually too tired to hold on to any grudges.

Thirdly, we would have to start concerning ourselves with how to spend our discretionary income. For 40 years, we have spent our rainy day funds, off farm income, inheritance, farm income, lottery winnings (I wish), and our stimulus money on cows. What could we possibly do with extra cash if we didn't have to spend it on salt, minerals, loan payments, cake, hay, and bulls? Maybe we could buy golf clubs and learn to golf or maybe we could buy a couple old rope horses and enter some of those century team ropings where your combined ages have to add up to 100.

Fourthly, we will have to develop a new social circle. A rancher's social circle revolves around the activities of branding, pre-conditioning, and shipping. We might still get invited to go to brandings and shippings, but if we don't need reciprocal help it sort of takes the incentive out of accepting every invitation offered. However, since we now fit into the category of "old timers" the invitations might dwindle down until we feel utterly useless to our neighbors.

Fifthly, what will we do for adrenaline rushes? Nothing makes your heart pound quite as much as being chased over the fence by a cow in a state of bovine rage. On an ordinary day, climbing over the fence hurts every arthritic joint in our bodies, but when there is a snot blowing cow bearing down on you, you suddenly forget all about your aches and pains and miraculously scale the fence often with a little nudge from a very irritated cow. Each time the story is told, the fence gets higher, the cow weighs more, and the leap to safety becomes more legendary.

Sixthly, what could we possibly invest our money in that would be more risky and have less of a return? I am not sure there is another profession that ties up millions of dollars in assets to yield a negative net profit. The term "rich rancher" refers to the ability to recycle enough cash flow to look good enough on a balance sheet to be able to borrow enough operating money to stay in business one more year.

Seventhly, I don't think seventhly is a word, but I can't really think of any more good reasons to sell the cows, so I guess we will likely just keep running cows until we go broke or die...whichever comes first. On a positive note, as our good friend, the late Duane Mothershead always used to say, "If ranching was easy everybody would be doing it."

The apples are getting ripe, so it is time to run some favorite apple recipes to capitalize on some of Mother Nature's sweetest windfalls!

Fresh Apple Cake:

4 C. diced apples

2 C. sugar

1/2 C. oil

Mix those ingredients together.

In another bowl add:

1 C. nuts

2 eggs,

2 t. vanilla

Then add to the first mixture.

Next mix:

2 C. flour

2 t. soda

1 tsp. salt.

Add to mixture and mix well. Bake in a 9 x 13 pan at 350 degrees for about 1 hour until it is done. (Optional: Top the raw cake with a bit of cinnamon and sugar or even cloves or allspice or whatever fall spice you desire prior to baking.)

Glazed Apple Cake:

2 C. sugar

1.5 C. Canola oil

1 t. salt

4 well-beaten eggs

2 t. vanilla

2 T. lemon juice

1.25 t. soda

3 C. peeled & chopped apples

3 C. flour

1 C. nuts

Combine sugar, oil, eggs, vanilla, salt, and lemon juice. Mix soda and flour and add to mixture. Beat this by hand, add apples and nuts. Put into a tube (bundt) pan (spray with Pam first) and bake at 325 degrees for 1.5 hours. When the cake is done, leave it in the pan and add glaze.

Glaze:

1 C. brown sugar

0.5 C. milk

1 stick margarine

2 t. granulated white sugar

Spray sauce pan with Pam thoroughly, add glaze ingredients, bring to boil for 2 minutes. Let the glaze cool prior to pouring over the cake. Poke holes on top of the cake with a toothpick and pour the cooled glaze over the cake while the cake is still hot.