Cooking in the West

My best horse, Tinkerbelle, died the other day, and my heart is broken. I sat down to write a tribute poem to her, but it was still too soon, so I started horse shopping instead. I have bought many great horses for $500 to $1000 so it is really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I will have to spend more for a horse than we spent for our first house if I want to get a dead broke bombproof horse befitting my age group. Long ago I learned that I can no longer get bucked off. In fact, this guest column was written about one of the last times I got bucked off, and I just cannot hit the ground again at my advanced age...

Guest column by Guy Gravert and Brett Todd of the K Lazy 3 Outfitters:

We are volunteering to do part of the cook's job this week, since the cook is a bit under the weather. She seems to have sprained her typing finger and a few other body parts last week, so the least we can do is help her out by writing her column this week.

Anyway...our cook, we'll call her Susan (who should remain nameless, but big hint: she usually writes this column) has been complaining quite a bit lately about her backcountry cooking job with the K Lazy Three. We decided that it is time to set the record straight!

On our last trip into the Scapegoat, we tried to accomodate all of her demands. Since she complained so much about the horses we chose for her, we mounted her on a horse that a four year old had been riding, and we assured her that the four year old had topped him off just days before. We also decided that rather than listen to her complain about riding in the back where she has to get off and pick up dropped items, we would have her take the lead.

Thinking that we had finally appeased her, we headed to Meadow Creek right behind a Forest Service pack string composed of two packers, several horses and mules, and one red heeler dog. We had provided her with a government escort and a horse a four year old could ride. What could go wrong with this plan?

Less than fifty yards from the trailhead, the government dog paused for an unauthorized drink under a bridge. When he shot out from under the bridge, he came out directly on the heels of Susan's horse. Apparently, four year olds are not very thorough at topping off horses, because Widowmaker (the horse must remain nameless also although he was formerly known as Guy's new horse Chip), a gentle four year old draft paint cross horse turned outlaw, took two jumps up the hill, wheeled, took two jumps down the bank where he parted ways with his rider, and continued to buck up the trail into the Forest Service pack string.

Now, fortunately for Susan, who had parted ways with him at the apex of his downward sunfish, the steep bank was covered with thick brush that pretty much broke her high dive. Other than spraining her writing finger and bruising her ego and a few other places, she was pretty much unharmed. We didn't even make her get the customary two buckets of water (down that death defying 90 degree steep ravine to the creek) when we arrived at camp. We even played along when she played the Post Traumatic Stress card that night to get some help with the dishes.

Although she rode Widowmaker on into camp that day, she seemed rather reluctant to ride him after that. We made one of the clients ride a mule all week, so she could have her pick of the dude horses. It seems that gesture plus a brand new tablecloth and three disposable roasting pans would have satisfied her, but she still found things to remark about.

One of her favorite things to complain about is the hours in the work day, which are simply 24. The K Lazy Three pays for a full day's work. If you don't get your work done in one day, and you have to work into the next day, the second day's pay will be docked because you were doing work you didn't get done the day before instead of doing the work you were supposed to do that day. If you get behind, the only way to catch up is to quit (or get fired) and continue to work for no pay to make up those hours for which you would have been docked otherwise.

She also whines about having to interrupt cooking a turkey dinner during every hunt to prepare elk heart hors d'oeuvres. It is a well-known hunting camp tradition that the hunters will shoot an elk in the hindquarters (to spare the heart of course), wrap the bloody organ in a paper bag, and proudly present it ceremonially to the camp cook, who is supposed to CHEERFULLY chop it up, saute it up, and serve it up with plenty of garlic and Whangs (whiskey and Tang), and then he/she can continue preparing a simple turkey dinner with all the trimmings.

We could go on and on addressing her concerns, but long story short...the least we could do under the circumstances was to write this column for her to give her and her sprained typing/riding finger a little break. Fortunately for us, she seems to have emerged from the wreck with her sense of humor still intact! Just in case, though, we will darn sure have the packer taste our food first on the next trip!

Guy and Brett did not include any recipes, which is probably a good thing, but Certified Angus Beef sent us some great beef recipes this week. Thanks! Check out http://www.certifiedangusbeef.com for more great recipes!

Classic Meatballs:

3/4 pound Certified Angus Beef ® ground chuck

1/4 pound bulk sweet Italian sausage (skin removed)

1/2 C. bread crumbs

1/2 C. grated Parmesan cheese

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 large egg

2 T. minced fresh flat-leaf Italian parsley

1/2 t. dried oregano

1/2 t. salt

1/2 t. freshly ground pepper

1 C. tomato sauce

Preheat the oven to 350°F. In a large mixing bowl combine beef, sausage, bread crumbs, Parmesan, garlic, egg, parsley, oregano, salt and pepper by hand. Form into 16 meatballs approximately 1 1/2-inch in diameter (can be made a day ahead, stored in the refrigerator). Coat bottom of a 9 x 13-inch baking dish with tomato sauce and line with meatballs. Bake uncovered for 20 minutes. Turn each meatball upside down and bake for an additional 10-15 minutes. Use an instant read thermometer to confirm meatballs are fully cooked. (160° F internal temperature)

Meatball Hoagie:

16 Certified Angus Beef ® Classic Meatballs (see recipe)

4 hoagie rolls

2 T. olive oil

1 t. dried oregano

1/4 C. grated parmesan cheese

1 1/2 C. spaghetti sauce

4 ounces (1 C. ) skim milk shredded mozzarella cheese

Preheat broiler. Open hoagie rolls and lay flat on a cookie sheet. Brush with olive oil and sprinkle evenly with oregano and parmesan cheese. Broil open face until crisp and golden. In a large saucepan or frying pan combine spaghetti sauce and meatballs. Cook over medium heat until meatballs are warm throughout. Spoon four meatballs onto one half of each hoagie with desired amount of sauce. Top with mozzarella and serve.

Easy Pot Roast:

3 1/2 pounds Certified Angus Beef ® English roast or chuck eye roast

2 T. vegetable oil

1 onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, chopped

1 T. flour

1/4 C. tomato paste

1 C. beef broth

1 C. water

Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Preheat the oven to 325° F. Season the roast heavily with salt and pepper. Heat oil in a Dutch oven. Sear roast for a couple minutes on each side over medium-high heat. The roast should be nicely browned on all sides. Transfer roast to a large plate. Add onion and garlic to the pot, stirring over medium heat until onions are soft. Stir in flour and tomato paste followed by broth. Stir and scrape seared bits from bottom of pot. Add roast back to pot and add water as needed to come halfway up the roast. Cover tightly and place in the oven. (Optional: use a slow cooker instead of the oven. Sear beef in a heavy bottom sauté pan, follow instructions above, then transfer to a slow cooker, and cook on low for 5 to 6 hours until tender.) Cook for 2 hours, turn and cook approximately one more hour, until completely tender. Transfer roast to cutting board and tent with foil. Using a ladle, skim fat from liquid in Dutch oven. Place Dutch oven on the stovetop over medium heat and reduce liquid by half. Slice roast against the grain or pull in bite-size pieces. Serve with reduced sauce.