Cooking in the West

This last week of moisture came as a blessing and a curse. There were undoubtedly large death losses of young livestock in the areas that were hit by days of blizzard conditions, but in some areas like here in our neck of the woods, the moisture was such a blessing that it outweighed the curse part. With this moisture boost, many ranchers will be trying to slip some farming in instead of sleep and between calving, feeding, branding, fencing, and all the other spring work. Farming is often a high-speed, high-stress form of diversification that causes a lot of laundry and mental problems.

This afternoon when I walked into our shop, I could tell that something was wrong, because my husband and son were standing with their hands on their hips staring at a plow. Finally one of them said, "It must be binding somewhere."

The other answered, "Yep!" Then as one, they descended on the thing with grease guns and WD-40 and hammers and wrenches and epithets. From observation and participation this afternoon, I have drafted the following document entitled "Eleven Farming Tips for Ranchers".

#1. If something won't move, use WD-40... and get a bigger hammer.

#2. If it still doesn't move, mist all surfaces with WD-40, go to the shop for bigger hammers and mauls that don't have broken handles, and apply them simultaneously to the parts that don't move.

#3. If there is a zerk, grease it. If there isn't a zerk, grease it. If there is grease anywhere, get it on your clothes, so the little missus will have something to occupy herself with besides bon bons and re-runs of "Green Acres" and trying to find "zerk" in the dictionary and figuring out how to hold dinner for three hours or more while doing a mountain of greasy laundry.

#4. Duct tape is overrated. It might save you from terrorist attacks or help you subdue a fugitive, but it isn't worth a darn when used with hydraulics.

#5. All the chains, the metric wrenches, and several other required tools should be conveniently stored in the other tractor's toolbox in a field a few miles away. Sending the little missus off with a very vague description of the required tool or part and a list of all the possible places it could be provides her with a good hobby on her day off from her town job (which is a necessity for cash flow on most farm and ranch operations) and gives her something to do to get her out of the house and away from those bon bons and the large pile of greasy laundry.

#6. When not eating the aforementioned bon bons or watching television, the farm wife is occasionally called upon to hold a wrench on the opposite side of a hunk of scrap iron from the farmer. Invariably, she doesn't hold it right, so the bolt spins. Although she is not sure how he can tell it's spinning, she can hear him grunting, "Righty tighty, lefty loosey" through his clenched teeth. She has never understood what that means, but she applies pressure in the opposite direction, and it usually shuts him up.

#7. If hammers, WD-40, bigger hammers, several sets of wrenches, and two high lift jacks won't solve the problem, it is time to bring in the loader tractor. This step was preceded by a discourse that went roughly, "Some highly credible salesman said that a good loader tractor is the center of any good operation, so that piece of junk loader of ours must be our problem, and did I mention that John Deere has 0% financing right now?"

#8. Although the farm wife will insist that swearing will not help anything and furthermore that it does not set a good example for the children, she has been proven wrong many times. Apparently cursing has a lubricating effect on dirt and rust, because often, when applied in conjunction with a large hammer or better yet a wrecking bar, cursing often brings about the desired result. Apparently this chisel plow has a questionable lineage and will be toasty warm in the afterlife!

#9. When two people are using pipe wrenches, they must communicate well. Otherwise, when one lets go of his wrench, it will hit the other person and cause a large bloody contusion (which sounds sort of British, but is really just painful). However, all contusions can be rendered farmer first aid with black electrical tape, which has three amazing qualities: it can be found in the toolbox, it will stick to greasy skin, and in fact it blends right into grease-colored skin.

#10. Persistence pays off. Try every solution. Try every solution again. Eventually the WD-40 will work its way into every crevasse and greasy cranny and voila! The cylinder will extend, the wheels will drop, the tool bar is ready to head to the field, and the cowboy mechanics will declare a victory... even though they have no idea what was wrong nor how they fixed it. The one thing they DO know, however, is that, if we could afford a big machine shed to store our equipment in, we wouldn't have these problems. Maybe next year.

#11. Unfortunately, farmers don't have time to attend anger management seminars, so they have to improvise. One way to put the joy back into farming is to pencil out a new loader and machine shed and then take the figures down to their bankers so they can all have a good old tension-relieving belly laugh!

The rhubarb is going to start popping out of the ground with warmer weather, so here are some great rhubarb recipes to try.

Rhubarb Pudding Cake:

2 C. rhubarb, chopped

1 3/4 cup sugar, divided

3 T. butter, softened

1 t. baking powder

1/4 t. salt

1/2 C. milk

1 t. vanilla extract

1/2 t. almond extract

1 C. sifted flour

1 T. cornstarch

2/3 C. boiling water

Cover the bottom of an 8 or 9 inch square glass baking pan with fruit. Mix 3/4 C. sugar, butter, baking powder, salt, extracts, milk and flour together. Add a little more milk if it is too thick to pour; pour over fruit. Mix remaining sugar and cornstarch in a small bowl; sprinkle over mixture in pan. Pour boiling water over the top. ( I know this sounds strange, but trust me, it works to create a pudding around the rhubarb in the bottom of the pan.) Bake at 375 degrees for 45 minutes. Serve warm with whipped cream or ice cream.

Easy Rhubarb Cake:

4 C. rhubarb, chopped

1 C. sugar

18 1/4 oz. box white cake mix

3 oz. pkg. strawberry gelatin

1 C. water

1/3 C. butter, melted

Place the first four ingredients in a 9 X 13 pan in the order listed. The cake mix and gelatin go in dry. Pour water and butter on top, but do not stir. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 60 minutes.

Rhubarb Cream Cake:

1 box yellow or French Vanilla cake mix

Lightly grease a 9 x 13 cake pan. Mix up the cake mix according to the directions on the package and pour into the prepared cake pan. Combine rhubarb and sugar; stir until evenly mixed. Sprinkle evenly over the top of the unbaked cake mix. Pour the cream over the top of the cake and rhubarb. Place in the preheated 350 degree oven and bake for 50 minutes. To serve, cut the cake, remove it from the pan, and flip it over upside-down. Topped with whipped cream if desired. Store in the refrigerator.