Cooking in the West

After watching four seasons of "Yellowstone", we have come to the realization that we have been ranching all wrong for our entire lives. . . or else maybe the show is not quite as authentic as co-writer Taylor Sheridan thinks it is. He is quoted as saying, "The challenge to this world is...it's not a terribly difficult plot. But if you didn't grow up with cowboys and in this world, and you don't know this world, it's a really hard world to write because you're going to fall back on the clichés of that world. People tune in to the show for varying reasons, but the authenticity of the show is its bedrock. From the saddles that are used, from the kind of horses that we use, to the situations that I place them in, if you don't spend your afternoons moving cattle, you don't know those situations exist."

Sheridan grew up on a ranch in Texas, he won the inaugural NRHA Reiner of the Year award, and he has bought into the legendary 6666 Ranch, but somehow he has neglected to run an authenticity check on many of the scenes and characters of "Yellowstone".

In one of the first episodes, a cow was having a difficult time calving out in the pasture. The Yellowstone hands quickly pulled the calf, and both the cow and the newborn calf jumped up and ran off together. Now, if that is authentic "bedrock", I want to know where to buy cows that give birth to 200 pound dried off calves that jump up and run off beside their mothers or I want to know how many calves Taylor Sheridan has pulled.

In a recent episode, a calf was out on the road, which is a very authentic cow problem. So John Dutton (Kevin Costner) pulled up in his truck, took his rope out of the back seat, got out, walked up to the good sized calf, and put the rope around its neck. Of course, anyone who knows cows could recognize the bucket calf belly on the calf and realize that it is a bucket calf, but unfortunately the general population of "Yellowstone" viewers believe that you can just walk up to a calf and put a rope around its neck. Then, Rip rode up, cut the fence, and they hoisted the calf over/through the fence.

In reality, they both would have got the bejeebers kicked out of them and got splattered with a lot of calf crap, and then they would have had a heck of a time getting the rope off of a calf that big. I surmise this was all done to show the female animal rights protestor, who was riding in the truck with John Dutton, that ranchers have a heart and are not bad guys. Great message, but for the love of cowboys, show Kevin and Rip chasing the calf up and down the fenceline till finally a lucky loop settled on it, and then show the ensuing wrestling match to get it to a gate and back to its mother without losing the rope.

I guess I should at least applaud Sheridan for having Rip cut the fence with actual fencing pliers, because my dad had a small speaking part in the movie Stacking that was filmed around Billings in 1987, and when the movie came out, it turned out to be more of a comedy than a drama with all of the inaccuracies in it. They used tin snips for fencing pliers, and they put small square bales on the overshot stacker they refurbished. We chuckled throughout the movie to the irritation of the folks who thought it was a serious drama about a teenager saving the family farm.

Saving the family ranch is also a theme of "Yellowstone". I had no idea how many devious ways there are to steal a family's ranch before "Yellowstone" aired. I have learned though that if someone crosses you as a ranch owner or ranch foreman, you have an apparent God given right to take him to the train station, which is code for dumping the dead body across the Wyoming line. Somewhere in Wyoming, there is a pile of dead bodies, but the place is somewhat of a mystery. Lloyd hinted that the train station is in Wyoming just across the state line. He said it is in “a county with no people, no sheriff and no 12 jurors of your peers." The amazing thing is that apparently all the cast of Yellowstone knows the location of the train station, but no one else in Montana or Wyoming seems to know exactly where it is.

Teaming up with the Four Sixes ranch as a way to save the ranch seems to be working for the Dutton family. In reality, I believe there have been more ranches lost from buying and showing expensive horses than saved, but it does make for an opportunity for Sheridan to showcase his horsemanship skills by starring in his own show. Hard luck ranch hand Jimmy went down to the Four Sixes for a few months and came back with a hotter girlfriend than he left behind in Montana and he became a heck of a hand and roper. In fact, his roping skills are so miraculous that he can shake out a loop with a spoke about 6 inches long on a Texas sized loop and throw it with amazing accuracy? Really? Yes, the roping is about as realistic as all of the Yellowstone hands being branded on their chests--which I surmise is Sheridan's interpretation of the phrase "riding for the brand"?

Unfortunately, the craziness, foul language, and violence of Montana ranchers and especially the Department of Livestock employees in "Yellowstone" has not deterred people from flocking to Montana to visit and buy property. I am not sure that even if all of us ranch women were as off the rails as Beth Dutton we could staunch the flow of pilgrims buying up Montana, but it is sure a good excuse to let my crazy show even more than usual in the future!

"Bonanza" featured Hop Sing as their cook, and the Duttons have a ranch-y looking chef at the big house also, but around this outfit we don't have a cook or a chef. Again, we are definitely not doing this ranching thing right. Since I could not find any recipes from "Yellowstone'' on Google, I will share some of my favorite ranch recipes.

Steak Roll-ups:

6 very thinly sliced boneless sirloin steaks, pounded

1 handful of fresh spinach

8 oz. cream cheese

1 C. feta or blue cheese

8 oz. sauteed fresh mushrooms or canned mushrooms, drained

1 pkg. Hollandaise sauce mix

Pound steaks flat and season with your favorite seasonings. Mix spinach and mushrooms with cream cheese and feta. Top steaks with cheese/spinach mixture. Roll up and put a toothpick through each one. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until desired doneness. Meanwhile, prepare Hollandaise sauce according to package directions. When steaks roll-ups are done, serve them drizzled with sauce.

Date Cookies:

1 C. white sugar

1 C. brown sugar

1 C. shortening

1 t. vanilla

1 T. water

2 eggs

1 C. finely chopped dates

1/2 C. coconut

2 C. quick oatmeal

2 C. flour

1 t. soda

1/2 t. salt

Cream sugar, shortening, eggs, water, and vanilla. Combine dry ingredients and add to the first mixture. Add remaining ingredients and roll into balls. Dip in sugar. Flatten with a fork and bake at 350 degrees for 12 minutes or until lightly browned on bottoms and edges.

Sour Cream Raisin Pie:

2 C. raisins

2 C. water

1 C. brown sugar

2 T. flour, heaping

1 C. sour cream

1/4 t. cinnamon

4 egg yolks

1/4 C. butter

pinch salt

Boil raisins in water; set aside to cool. Mix remaining ingredients in. Cook 'til thick on medium heat. Pour the filling into the pre-baked pie shell. Bake at 350° for 8-10 minutes. Make meringue with the egg whites, using 5 T. sugar. Spread meringue on pie and bake at 350° until peaks are brown.