Cooking in the West

After a few hours in office, Joe Biden has signed executive orders that have angered Canada, diabetics, users of epipens, oil and gas workers, Keystone Pipeline workers, union laborers working on the border wall, Border Patrol, ranchers on our southern border, and he disrespected the National Guard whom he housed in parking garages. Rather than promoting unity, these orders and actions have fueled another four year war amongst a divided nation. The situation is far from laughable, but it does remind me of an old Norwegian joke!

Joe Biden was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. After he finally figured out what was making that annoying sound, he picked it up.

“Hello, President Biden,” a heavily accented Norwegian voice said. “’Dis here is Sven, over here in Baker, Montana. Ve don’t like any of your so-called unifying executive orders. Your Keystone Pipeline order just put me and 10,400 of my friends out of work. I am callin’ to tell ya that ve are officially declaring war on ya, and ve are inviting Canada to join us, eh!”

“Well, Sven,” Joe replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

“Right now,” said Sven, after a moment’s calculation, “there is myself, my cousin Knute, my next-door-neighbor Ole, and the whole pool team from the Corner Bar. And maybe a whole bunch of hurtin’ Albertans.”

Joe paused, “I must tell you Sven that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Wow,” said Sven, “I’ll haf ta call ya back!”

Sure enough, the next day, Sven called again. “Mr. Biden, da war is still on! Ve have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be, Sven?” Joe asked.

“Vell sir, ve got two combines, a bulldozer, and three big farm tractors.”

President Biden sighed. “I must tell you Sven, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I’ve increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke.”

“All right den,” said Sven. “I’ll be getting back to ya.”

Sure enough, Sven rang again the next day... “President Biden, da var is still on! Ve have managed to git ourselves airborne! Ve up an’ modified Ole’s ultra-light vit a couple’a shotguns in da cockpit, and four big boys from the coffee shop haf joined us as vell!”

Joe was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Sven, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”

“Two million you say?,” said Sven, “l’ll haf’ to call you back.

Sure enough, Sven called again the next day. “President Biden, I am sorry to have to tell you that ve have had to call off zis here var.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” said Joe. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Vell, Sir,” said Sven, “Ve’ve all sat ourselves down and had a long chat, and Ve have come to realize that there is just no vay ve can feed two million prisoners!”

I am grateful for my camp cooking experience, because in case the electricity stops, I know how to haul water, purify it, and cook over a campfire. Fortunately I have a nice collection of Dutch ovens, so although I like electricity and running water, I know I could survive without those if necessary. This week I have some fun Dutch oven camping recipes.

Baked Asparagus and Mushroom Omelette:

2 pkg. frozen asparagus

2 C. fresh mushrooms, sliced

1/2 C. green onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 onion, chopped

12 eggs, beaten

1 C. milk

1/2 t. salt

1/4 t. nutmeg

1 t. red pepper

1/2 t. Tabasco

2 C. shredded Swiss cheese

4 T. parsley flakes

Cook asparagus, mushrooms, green onion, onion, and garlic in a small amount of water until tender. Drain. Combine all ingredients and mix well. Pour into a foil-lined greased Dutch oven and bake at 375 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes until set.

Camper's Breakfast:

4 medium potatoes, sliced

2 onions, sliced

2 cans Spam

12 eggs, beaten

1/4 C. milk

vegetable oil

seasonings to taste

cheese and green pepper, if desired

Heat oil in Dutch oven. Cook potatoes and onions until potatoes are soft. Drain excess oil. Add eggs, milk, chopped Spam, green pepper if desired, and seasonings. Stir constantly until eggs are set. Top with cheese if desired.

Camp Doughnuts:

refrigerated biscuits

mixture of sugar and cinnamon

vegetable oil

Heat 1-1/2 inches of vegetable oil in the Dutch oven, over coals, not flames. Stick your thumb through the center of each uncooked biscuit. Drop carefully into hot oil. Turning once, cook 'til golden on both sides. Roll in cinnamon and sugar as soon as removed from oil.