Cooking in the West

Even Dr. Fauci declared on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, “We say it, not being facetiously or having a soundbite or anything, but you know: close the bars, keep the schools open." To ABC's Martha Raddatz, Fauci stated, "Obviously, you don't have one size fits all, but as I've said in the past, and as you accurately quoted me – the default position should be as best as possible, within reason, to keep the children in school and get them back to school.”

Opening our schools and keeping them open has proven to be harder than we had hoped, but here in Montana our schools might have hiccuped a time or two, but we are still in school. As an educator who has been quarantined twice in the last two months, I am proud that we have been through contact tracing, quarantining, isolating, Covid testing, and even going remote occasionally, but we are persevering.

However, with Christmas coming up, I have observed that children are having a lot of anxiety about the Christmas traditions. Christmas programs are different or non-existent. Santa does not hang out at the mall posing for photos any more. But the big question is will Santa have to quarantine? I believe this fear has its roots in all of those families whose Elf on the Shelf has had to quarantine. When Elf on the Shelf started, parents were excited to add a new tradition, and they were totally on top of having a new elf caper every day for 24 days, but as the years wore on, the Elf on the Shelf became a burden. Even though there are thousands of Elf on the Shelf ideas on Pinterest, Youtube, and Google, parents still have to remember to help their Elf every night after the lights go out, and his antics do require some preparation. During this year of Covid, many parents explained to their children that their Elf on the Shelf would have to quarantine from December 1 through 14 thus buying them 14 days off and only 10 days of Elf on the Shelf duty.

Naturally, if the family Elf has been quarantined, children fear that Santa will face quarantine also. In fact, my grandsons who are old enough to have a working knowledge of geography are really concerned that Santa will not be allowed across the Canadian border without testing and quarantining. The obvious work around for this concern is that Santa flies without a pilot's license or even a seat belt, so the big jolly fellow will probably just go rogue, sprinkle some magical dust on the Border Patrol guys, and pilot his sleigh right across the border. Santa is kind of a rebel--he probably doesn't even wear his mask because it is too hard to keep it on in a strong crosswind while flying at a speed of 650 miles per second, which is the average speed he must maintain for on time delivery of 22 million packages per hour.

Another concern is the traditional milk and cookies. Should Santa really be forced to eat milk and cookies at every house? Santa looks like he could possibly have some prediabetic tendencies based on his body type, so perhaps the cookies should be sugar free. What if Santa is lactose intolerant? Should we provide almond milk? (Have you ever wondered how they milk almonds?) Should Santa consider the keto diet? Should we leave him meat and vegetables? Would that require refrigeration? The obvious answer is that if he has drunk warm milk for centuries, a little room temperature salami is probably not going to kill him. (Can Santa die or is he somehow immortal?) At least the Covid police won't be able to arrest Santa because he is grabbing take out and not dining in, and of course curbside is out of the question.

Perhaps the solution to the cookie dilemma is supplements. Consider leaving some Zinc, Vitamin C, Vitamin D, and maybe even some hydroxychloroquine (depending upon your political persuasion) out for Santa in an effort to keep him safe while visiting 5,556 homes per second every second of the 32 hours window which he has to work with if he utilizes his time zones properly. If Santa doesn't get Covid before New Year's Eve, he is truly a Christmas miracle or he has built up some darn good immunity in all his travels over the centuries.

We would like to think Santa has been socially distancing all year, but can we really be certain? It seems that there are a lot of "Made in China" labels on many of the toys he delivers. Could he have possibly been in Wuhan last year negotiating a toy deal? Could he possibly have brought the virus to the rest of the world on Christmas Eve? Could it be that Santa's squeaky clean image has been all smoke and mirrors? Should he have to testify before Congress? Is he colluding with Chinese, Russians, Iranians, big Pharma, or big tech companies?

Sadly, our children are having a lot of anxiety over Covid Santa. Pretty much like the rest of us, they just don't know what to believe any more!

I would like to share some more holiday recipes this week. Remember if you want to share recipes, email them to me at cookinginthewest@yahoo.com!

Cranberry Orange Bread:

2 C. flour

1 C. sugar

1 1/2 t. baking powder

1 t. salt

1/2 t. baking soda

1/4 C. butter

1 egg beaten

1 t. grated orange peel or zest

3/4 C. orange juice

3 C. chopped fresh cranberries

Mix dry ingredients. Cut butter into dry ingredients until mixture is crumbly. Add egg, orange peel, and orange juice. Mix until mixture is evenly moist. Fold in cranberries. Spread batter in a greased loaf pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 70 minutes or until a toothpick tests clean. Remove from pan and cool on a wire rack.

Christmas Cheer Cake:

1 white cake mix

1 pkg. (3.5 oz.) cherry Jello mix

3/4 C. vegetable oil

3/4 C .buttermilk

3 large eggs

1 t. vanilla

Frosting:

8 oz. can crushed pineapple

1 pkg. (3.5 oz) INSTANT vanilla pudding mix

16 oz. Cool Whip

1 (8 oz.) jar maraschino cherries, halved with juice reserved

Combine cake mix with Jello, oil, buttermilk, eggs, and vanilla. Mix well and pour into a greased 9 X 13 pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 to 35 minutes until a toothpick tests clean. Cool before frosting. For frosting, combine crushed pineapple including juice with cherry halves. Sprinkle pudding mix on top. Fold in Cool Whip and 1/4 C. cherry juice. (Add more juice if desired but don't get it too soupy.) Frost cooled cake and refrigerate before serving. Garnish as desired when serving.

Brunch Muffins:

1 C. Bisquick

1 lbs. breakfast sausage, browned

5 beaten eggs

1 C. shredded Cheddar cheese

melted butter for brushing tops

Combine ingredients except melted butter. Pour into a greased muffin tin and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Brush tops with melted butter and serve warm.