Cooking in the West

As I sit here tonight looking out at the 20 plus inches of snow coating everything, I have to believe that this might slow the buying frenzy of out of state buyers who have flocked to Montana from highly populated areas. Almost as soon as things began to open up in Montana after the shut down, our state has been inundated by visitors looking to just hang out or buyers snapping up property in our beautiful state. Some of them might be rethinking that decision this week.

We have had a couple outbreaks of nasty winter already in October. As I sit here trying to thaw my frozen appendages, I vow once again that if I had a motorhome that would start, I would head towards Arizona tonight!

Perhaps the only good thing about a good old fashioned Montana winter will be that it might discourage potential re-locators from becoming permanent residents. Now, with sincere apologies to all Californians, I have to share this anonymously written “Diary of a Californian.”

Nov. 28: We moved to Bozeman, Montana from San Diego, California. We have been anxiously awaiting our first snow, and today it came. It looks like a Grandma Moses print. It is so romantic that my wife and I feel like newlyweds again!

Nov. 29: We awoke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering everything. Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. I shoveled snow for the first time in my life. I feel like a kid again! Then the snowplow came along and covered up my shoveling and closed in the driveway. I got the chance to shovel again. What a perfect life!

Nov. 30: The sun came out and melted all our snow. Such a disappointment! My nice neighbor Bob said not to worry, because by the end of winter I will be sick of snow. I don't think that's possible.

Dec. 1: It snowed a foot last night, and the temperature dropped to -20 degrees. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up shoveling. I am going to get in shape doing this once before the snow plow comes and once afterward.

Dec. 3: It snowed another foot. I sold my Lexus and bought a Hummer. I had to buy snow tires and a shovel for my whiney wife. She thinks we should install a wood stove and stock the freezer. How silly! This isn't Alaska after all!

Dec. 4: A freezing rain storm blew through. I fell down trying to salt the driveway. The witch I married laughed all the way to the emergency room where I had x-rays taken. Unfortunately nothing was broken, so I will still have to shovel after the plow comes by today.

Dec. 5: The roads are too icy to get to town. The electricity went off. I sat around all day under a pile of blankets with nothing to do but listen to my wife gloat over the fact that we are freezing to death in our own living room because we have no alternative heat source.

Dec. 6: It snowed 14 inches, and it came down horizontally. I tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they are all too busy. I think they are lying. I called every store in town to see about buying a snow blower, but they are out until the next shipment comes next month. I think they are lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the subdivision manager will do it and bill me. I think he's lying.

Dec. 7: It snowed again. It took me 45 minutes to get bundled up to shovel, and then I had to go to the bathroom. I tried to hire Bob and his snow blower, but he said he is too busy. I think he is a lying jerk!

Dec. 8: It warmed up to 0 degrees. My wife wants me to decorate the front of the house. I asked the nut job why she didn't tell me to do that a month ago. She said she did, but I think she's a liar! The subdivision manager came by for coffee and left a huge bill for snow removal.

Dec. 9: The snow is packed so hard from that snowplow that I broke my shovel. I think I also suffered a mild heart attack. If I ever catch that snowplow driver out of his truck, I am going to whitewash his smiling, waving face. (The author forgot to note that the snowplow driver also knocks down the mailbox every day when he closes up the driveway.)

Dec. 10: Another foot fell last night. The pipes froze. The plumber got stuck in the driveway. He said I would have to pay for a tow truck or shovel him out. I shoveled him out so I wouldn't have to sit in the house with my idiot wife who insisted we move here. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I might strangle her. Bob called to suggest that I shovel the snow off the breezeway roof so it doesn't cave in. How silly! Does he think I'm stupid?

Dec. 11: The breezeway roof caved in. My wife packed a suitcase, lugged it through the drifts to a taxi waiting in Bob's driveway, and never looked back. They said the fire that burned down our house was deliberately set, but I think they are lying.

Dec. 25: The nurse was humming Christmas carols when she brought my pills. I'm missing my first white Christmas in Montana because I'm tied to this bed!

How about some Halloween treat recipes this week? I wish everyone a safe and happy Halloween! I would like to thank my friend Phyllis Jarrett for sharing the late Betty Jarrett's recipe for chocolate caramels. Thanks, Phyllis!

Betty Jarrett's Chocolate Caramels:

2 sq. baking chocolate

2 C. sugar

11/2 C. cream

3/4 C. corn syrup

1/4 t. salt

1 t. vanilla

1 C. chopped walnuts

Combine sugar, syrup, salt and 1/2 C. cream in a heavy saucepan. Stir until mixture boils. When mixture forms a soft ball stage, add another 1/2 C. cream and chocolate squares. Stir well. Boil again until soft ball stage. Add last 1/2 C. cream. Cook until firm ball stage. Add nuts and vanilla. DO NOT BEAT! Pour into a buttered pan. (I use a large glass pie pan.) When cool, cut into pieces.

Applesauce Cookies:

1 C. sugar

1 C. butter

1 egg

1 C. thick applesauce

2 heaping C. flour

1 t. baking powder

1 t. soda

1 t. cloves

1 t. cinnamon

1/2 t. salt

1/2 C. nuts

1 C. chopped dates or raisins

1/2 t. allspice

Mix all together and drop on a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for ten minutes until lightly browned on bottoms. Cookies will be soft and moist.

Mother's Banana Chocolate Chip Cookies:

2/3 C. sugar

2/3 C. Crisco

2 eggs

1 C. ripe mashed bananas

1/3 C. milk

1 t. vanilla

2 2/3 C. flour

1/2 t. salt

2 t. baking powder

1/4 t. salt

1 C. chocolate chips

Cream shortening and sugar. Then add unbeaten eggs, milk, vanilla, and bananas. Add flour, salt, soda, baking powder, and chips. Drop on a greased cookie sheet. Bake on top rake at 350 degrees for about 10 minutes until bottoms are lightly browned. Tops will be pale, and cookies will be soft.