Cooking in the West

Until last week, here in Sweet Grass County, we had no COVID cases, but as of my deadline time, we now have two cases. We do not fall under the Governor’s mask mandate yet, but it might be unlikely that we will stay under four cases in our county. If we have four cases in our county, we will be required to mask up; however, even the mandate is confusing because as stated on the Montana.Gov site, it reads, “The directive does not require face coverings in counties with three or fewer active cases or for children under 5, though face coverings are strongly encouraged in both cases. Other exceptions include children under 2...” So, this is a clear directive! Within two sentences back to back in the same paragraph, it confuses everyone with children. It says they are not required for children under five, but then it makes an exception for children under 2. What in the world does that mean for three and four year olds, and does anyone ever proofread mandates?

Given that the mandate is confusing, I want to know who is going to enforce this mandate. I would personally like to see Governor Bullock keep a mask on my five year old grandson, Jasper. He is over five, so if we get two more cases in the county, he is going to have to mask up in public. Jasper is a typical five year old boy who can hardly contain his enthusiasm for getting to go to the “big school” (not preschool) for kindergarten. I really hope he can go to school next month, and I really hope for the sake of his teacher that he does not have to wear a mask, because something is likely to give, and it might possibly be the teacher’s sanity.

Within the first ten minutes of the opening bell of kindergarten, I predict that masks will be on top of heads, under chins, hanging from ear lobes, hanging from light fixtures, or otherwise nowhere to be found on the child’s personage. The elastic straps make them a perfect projectile launcher. Every little boy with a slingshot knows how to fling his mask across the room with an easy finger flick.

The masks will be a challenge to say the least, but there is always social distancing as a backup plan. Social distancing works really well with five year olds also. Since they have no conception of personal space, “experts” have suggested using pool noodles to mark social distance between children. I would also like to see these “experts” keep five year olds from using their pool noodle spacers as limbo poles, lightsabers, and even stick horses. I am not one to stifle creativity, but I think between the pool noodle social distancing suggestion and the mask mandate, there will be a mass retirement of kindergarten teachers.

My hat goes off to all kindergarten teachers — especially during COVID reopening! They are undoubtedly the most amazing teachers in schools. This tribute to them was written by my daughter, Brooke Bare, after she subbed in a kindergarten class one year during college:

“I hope they'll be good for you,” Mrs. Gano said, “but if you have any problems, look in the substitute folder for disciplinary ideas.”

I assured her that we would be just fine. As the children entered the classroom, it had become increasingly difficult for us to discuss the day’s agenda above the extraordinary amount of noise coming from a group of tiny people. I watched as she counted down from ten. When she reached one, they were all silently sitting in their chairs. She said, “Good luck”, and my morning of terror began.

After introducing myself, I asked them to sit in the story circle. By the end of the story, I was shouting the words over their individual conversations and counting down from ten after every other page. Story time went so well, that I split them into groups to complete four different worksheets. By the way, five year olds do not understand the concept of splitting into groups!

By now I had tried every tip in the substitute folder. Even the “Show me Leo,” which meant they were to be silent, face forward, hands on the table, ready to learn did not deter them. It had become so loud that kids were tugging on my sleeve and telling me they couldn’t concentrate. Above the din, I heard a muffled voice from above repeating, “Miss Metcalf!” I finally realized the secretary was shouting over the intercom.

I shouted an answer, and silently prayed that she might realize that she should send help. I was trying not to show fear and thinking that it couldn’t get worse when a boy approached me with a large glob of oozing snot dangling from his sleeve. He said, “Help me! I have some gook on me!” I choked back my gag reflex and tried another discipline tip, which was suggested by one of the students. He handed me a metal object and said I should bang it on the file cabinet like Mrs. Gano. Believing I had discovered Excalibur, I struck the file cabinet with authority. The child who had given me the tip and approximately three other students stopped talking momentarily.

I was sure it must be time for recess, but as I looked outside at the pouring rain, I knew I was trapped in this room for the morning. During recess, they managed to litter the room with every single game, toy, book, and puzzle in the classroom. Recess was extended to thirty minutes, because it took us 15 minutes to clean up afterwards.

Mrs. Gano has a stoplight for classroom management. All students have a magnetized name tag hanging under the green light. If they misbehave once, the tag is moved to the yellow light, then the red light, and then I had no idea what might happen after that; although I was hoping for perhaps a trap door. Following a series of ineffective threats, I chose one unlucky exemplary naughty student whose name I happened to have caught. I moved his tag to the yellow light. He protested loudly with his hands on his hips, “I am supposed to move my tag myself!”

Not long after I had mopped up the tears from a little girl, who insisted she needed to color and then cut her finger puppets instead of cutting and coloring as I had instructed them, Mrs. Gano returned from her meeting fifteen minutes early, and I stifled my urge to hug her as I hastily retreated out the door.

This week I have recipes that are kid friendly for all those kids who are hoping to go back to school next month and for the parents who are praying such will be the case.

Vegetable Pizza:

2 pkg. crescent roll dough

1 C. sour cream

8 oz. pkg. cream cheese, softened

1 t. dried dill weed

1/4 t. garlic salt

1 pkg. ranch dressing mix

1/4 C. green onion, chopped

1 1/2 C. chopped broccoli

1 C. shredded carrots

1 can sliced olives

other vegetables as desired

Pat the crescent roll dough into a sprayed jelly roll pan. Prick with a fork all over the dough and bake for 10 minutes at 350 degrees. Mix the sour cream, cream cheese, dill weed, garlic salt, and ranch dressing mix. Spread over the cooked dough. Sprinkle all of the chopped vegetables you desire on top. Top with grated cheese if desired.

Fruit Dip:

8 oz. cream cheese, softened

7 oz. marshmallow cream

2 T. frozen orange juice concentrate

1 T. orange zest

fruit of your choice

Mix all ingredients together and blend well with a mixer. Chill for one hour for best results before serving with a tray of your favorite fruits

Frog Eye Salad:

1 C. white sugar

2 T. flour

2 1/2 t. salt

1 3/4 C. pineapple juice

2 eggs, beaten

1 T. lemon juice

1 T. vegetable oil

16 oz. pkg. acini di pepe pasta

3 cans mandarin oranges, drained

2 cans pineapple tidbits, drained

1 can crushed pineapple, drained

8 oz. Cool Whip whipped topping

1 C. miniature marshmallows

1 C. shredded coconut

In a saucepan, combine sugar, flour, 1/2 teaspoon salt, pineapple juice and eggs. Stir and cook over medium heat until thickened. Remove from heat; add lemon juice and cool to room temperature. Bring water to a boil to cook pasta, and add oil and remaining salt. Cook pasta until al dente according to the package directions. Rinse under cold water and drain. In a large bowl, combine the pasta, egg mixture, mandarin oranges, pineapple and whipped topping. Mix well and refrigerate overnight or until chilled. Before serving add marshmallows and coconut. Toss and serve.