Cooking in the West

Western movies often portrayed the camp cook as a cranky drunk. I think this stereotype evolved for a darn good reason, they had to be cranky and/or drunk to survive! Camp cooking is such a fine and pleasant misery that I'd probably do it free gratis just for the adventure. However, that does not prohibit me from complaining about the job--especially now that I have pretty much retired from wilderness camp cooking.

The only job description for a back country camp cook I was ever given came from a packer/guide, whom I will refer to by his initials, Guy Gravert. "The cook rides in the back and gets two buckets of water when we hit camp." His statement underscores the status of camp cooks... the only position left when one becomes too crippled up or feeble minded to be of any other value to an outfitter.

Riding in the back is not very glamorous. Aside from eating dust, you get to pick up dropped items, tighten cinches, and hold your breath while you observe thousands of possibilities for wrecks to occur. No wonder cooks drink! In fact, the cook hopes that everyone has brought a lot of alcohol along, because then A. Everyone will think the food is great and B. They might not drink as much water.

Water is a problem, because it is the cook's job to procure water. Usually this is done by scaling a 50 foot rock cliff to the creek and hoisting two buckets at a time up the precipice into camp where people who are sitting around in camp chairs watch the cook transfer it into the water purifier or else by pumping it by hand through a tiny water purifier directly from the creek. Both of these build muscles and a nasty disposition for the cook.

Eight days of cooking on four burners and an open fire is almost worth it to see things like the Chinese Wall and the Valley of the Moon, except for the trout. The fishing in the back country is great, which makes the cook cranky. Nothing on earth is better than a mountain trout fresh from the stream, unless you're the cook with your four burners and fire already filled with planned menu items. A beaming fisherman usually shows up about the time dinner is ready with a willow stringer full of freshly cleaned trout anticipating that he will get to eat them as a side dish. It takes some tricky maneuvering to keep everything else edible while waiting for the trout to fry.

No one ever asks the cook for input on where to camp, because he/she is riding in the back, probably with a spiked water bottle! However, there are advantages to being the camp cook. Everyone treats you respectfully to your face mainly out of fear for what you might do to their food. You usually get a halfway decent horse to ride, because they do want the cook to arrive at camp in good enough shape to work. Fresh air, exercise, and hunger all make a great sauce. In fact, I have scientifically proven that hungry campers will eat burned oatmeal raisin cookies and praise them. In my defense, however, have you ever tried baking cookies over two camp stove burners in a tin contraption known as an Outfitter's Oven? It is sheer luck if anything that goes in the oven does not come out as ashes, so it should aptly be renamed an Outfitter's Crematorium.

The most important attribute of a camp cook is the ability to keep a straight face. This is difficult for me, but I should have taken lessons from my father-in-law, who won the all time straight faced gold medal when he took some guests out to admire a large herd of elk. Erin was looking through the binoculars and said, "I thought they were much larger animals!"

Roy said, "Try looking through the binoculars the other way," and he never even cracked a smile!

Of course I have recipes that will work in the wilderness to share this week. Maybe in my next life, I will conquer the Outfitter's Oven/Crematorium!

Stuffed Jalapenos:

1 lb. bulk pork sausage

8 oz. cream cheese, softened

4 oz. grated Parmesan cheese

22 large Jalapeno peppers, halved lengthwise and seeded (Caution: Use rubber or plastic gloves and do NOT touch your eyes or face.)

Ranch dressing, optional

Brown sausage over medium heat. Drain. Combine cream cheese and Parmesan. Then fold in the sausage. Spoon about 1 T. into each Jalapeno half. Place into 2 ungreased 9 x 13 baking dishes and bake uncovered at 425 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes or until lightly browned and bubbly. Serve with ranch dressing.

Saddlebag Cookies:

2 C. all-purpose flour, sifted

1 t. baking soda

1/2 t. salt

1/2 t. baking powder

2 eggs

1 C. shortening

1 C. white sugar

1 C. brown sugar

2 C. rolled oats

1 t. vanilla

2 C. chocolate chips

Sift together and set aside the flour, soda, salt and baking powder. Cream shortening and sugars and add eggs and vanilla. Thoroughly mix in dry ingredients and add rolled oats and chocolate chips. Drop by spoonfuls onto a baking sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for about 10 minutes or until golden brown. Yields about four dozen cookies.

Dusty Trail Casserole:

2 lb. hamburger

12 oz. macaroni, cooked

1 t. chili powder

1 1/2 t. salt

1 t. pepper

1 chopped onion

2 cloves garlic,minced

1 can whole kernel corn, drained

2 cans tomato soup

1 can mushrooms

1 can sliced black olives

grated cheese

Brown meat, onion, and garlic. Add seasonings, corn, soup, mushrooms, and olives. In a greased casserole or Dutch oven, alternate layers of meat, noodles, and cheese ending with cheese. Bake at 350 degrees for 1/2 hr til bubbling or about 45 minutes in the Dutch oven with coals on the bottom and top.