Cooking in the West

Even though Covid-19 is a very serious topic, I feel that my job description as a cooking/humor columnist is an essential service in coping with this crisis. I think since everyone is sheltered in place in Montana and much of the nation, we need good recipes and a chuckle now more than ever.

Since most of the workforce is working from home or not working, I know there are a lot of people who have their grown children and grandchildren moving home to be with them during this crisis. If there is a windfall to this, it is family together time. Our situation is different in that our daughter and her family live on the ranch just a few hundred yards from our house, and our son and his new wife move into our guest cabin on the ranch during calving. So, we are somewhat used to living as Nutterites. Nutterites is a term my husband crafted implying with sincere apologies and no insult intended to Hutterites but merely describing our comical communal living situation. Fortunately, there are only 9 of us, so if we practice social distancing, we can still congregate for dinner in compliance with social distancing guidelines.

Life in the Nutterite Colony is not like the isolation that many people are experiencing right now. We are in the middle of calving, so there is no lack of work to do inside and outside. As the mud gets deeper, so do the piles of laundry. Making dinner to satisfy nine varied tastes is challenging, but we have adapted. For example, my husband claims he doesn't like Mexican food, so he is told that chicken enchiladas are chicken casserole.

I have been dreaming of watching Netflix movies and reading a book, but that is not likely to happen unless this shelter order lasts past calving and branding season. Most of our ranch vacation guests have canceled their summer reservations, so maybe I will have time to watch movies and read books this summer. I guess that would be the bright spot to lost revenue. Many inquiries have come from both coasts to rent our cabin, but whether it is morally right or wrong, we have declined reservations through June. I feel very inhospitable turning people away who are trying to escape heavily populated areas, but I do not want to invite the virus here. It is a moral dilemma akin to hoarding toilet paper.

We were not smart enough to hoard toilet paper, so we did some quick calculations, and determined that we may be forced to limit the commune to 6 squares per bathroom visit. Of course, this would be on the honor system, but if supplies begin to dwindle, we may start passing out 12 squares at breakfast each day. If additional squares are needed one day, they will be deducted from the following day's allotment. This may seem like an extreme measure, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I do not want to jeopardize our septic systems by flushing unauthorized paper products, because, although we have an outhouse, it is a hundred yards away and on the other side of a barbed wire fence I would have to crawl over.

In our commune, we have one school teacher, one school administrator, and two students. Other members of the commune do not understand why the teacher, administrator, and students do not make themselves available for night calving checks, since they aren't going to school. Remotely educating students at home is a full-time job for teachers and students but especially for parents. In fact, I suspect many parents are beginning to appreciate teachers very much after almost three weeks of homeschooling. Prayer and spanking will most likely become allowable practices in the policies of home schools.

I saw a Facebook meme that said, "After eight days of quarantine, I wonder if the Donner party was even hungry." That does give me pause to watch my back. I am pretty sure that I am the most dispensable person in the commune if they put it to a vote. Let's just say if I wasn't so exhausted, I would start trying to sleep with one eye open. I am very thankful that we do have several freezers full of meat, or I would really be concerned about becoming an alternative protein source. I am glad to see beef flying off the shelves. If we do end up rationing toilet paper even more stringently, perhaps we can trade some hamburger for toilet paper.

Branding season is coming up, and the CDC will likely issue warnings that are not going to be easy to follow. They will recommend using a calf table to minimize the workforce. I have never been to a table branding in my life, and I don't really like Nord Forks, so these guidelines might be difficult to support. It is pretty hard to practice social distancing at any type of branding. They also recommend not passing the bottle, but that is counter-intuitive, because alcohol kills the virus. At the very least, we should put it in a spray bottle and spray ourselves down with it. They do recommend wearing bandanas, so I will dig out all my "fancy ranchy" cloth napkins (aka red bandanas) to double as masks. I pray this shelter in place order is over by grass time!

Whether you live in a sheltered place commune or in isolation, please stay safe and sane. Please do your part to stop the spread. We can minimize the effect of this virus if we each do our part!

I would like to share some of my favorite "Shelter in Place" recipes this week. They will work well for homeschool students. Thanks to our rural school art teacher, Jean Chapel, for sharing the play dough recipe!

Chicken Enchiladas (AKA Chicken Casserole):

8 oz. cream cheese, softened

2 T. water

2 t. onion powder

2 t. ground cumin

1/2 t. salt

1/4 t. pepper

5 C. diced cooked chicken

20 flour tortillas (6 inch)

2 cans condensed cream of chicken soup

2 C. sour cream

1 C. 2% milk

2 cans (4 ounces each) chopped green chilies

2 C. shredded Cheddar cheese

In a large bowl, beat cream cheese, water, onion powder, cumin, salt and pepper until smooth. Stir in chicken. Place 1/4 C. chicken mixture down the center of each tortilla. Roll up and place seam side down in two greased 13 x 9-in. baking dishes. In a large bowl, combine soup, sour cream, milk and chiles; pour over enchiladas. Bake, uncovered, 30-40 minutes at 375 degrees or until heated through. Sprinkle with cheese; bake 5 minutes longer or until cheese is melted.

Silky Fun Play Dough:

2 C. cornstarch

About 1 C. inexpensive hair conditioner

Food coloring

Place cornstarch in a large bowl. Mix the hair conditioner in with your hands. The mixture will start coming together and be very pliable and smooth. Divide into smaller amounts and work a few drops of food coloring into each ball of playdough. You may need to add more conditioner as you work the dough. Store in plastic wrap when not in use.

Butterscotch Haystack No Bake Cookies:

11 oz. bag butterscotch chips

1 C. peanut butter

2 C. miniature marshmallows

2 C. crunchy chow mein noodles

Melt chips with peanut butter in a large bowl in the microwave by microwaving for one minute, stirring, and microwaving in 30 second intervals until the chips are melted. Stir well and add marshmallows and chow mein noodles. Toss together and place in loose haystack-like mounds on parchment paper. Let them set up before serving. As Easter is coming up soon, you can form them into nest shapes and put jelly beans or candy eggs in them after they cool.